C.S. Lewis asserted, “A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.”

Trusted and treasured friendships certainly add joy and stability to life’s adventures. Mark Twain quipped, “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”

Some folks are mere acquaintances, but some acquaintances become dear friends. The ancient wisdom writer pre-supposes that for most of life, human beings are going to be engaged in dynamic human relationships. In The Message, Proverbs 18:24 is translated, “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.”

What is a friend? C. Raymond Beran described friendship like this:
Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you. Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With them you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities, and in opening them up to friends, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of their loyalty. They understand. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse them, neglect them, tolerate them. Best of all, you can keep still with them. It makes no matter. They like you. They are like fire that purges to the bone. They understand. You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all–and underneath–they see, know, and love you. A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself.

In a highly competitive world where individuals are dominated by self-interest, how do you keep relationships healthy and growing? Sustainable friendship is a gift from God.

Churches are built on both faith and friendship. Members of a congregation are diverse friends from a variety of backgrounds who stick together in tough times, who bring out the best in each other, and who collaborate in missional initiative, despite their differences, to live out a common faith conviction.

Maybe the Quakers have it right in referring to their faith community as “The Society of Friends.”

During these days of learning to bring out the best in others, treasure the friendships you have, and look forward to making new friends in the days ahead. Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, “So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.”

Maintaining a good friendship requires grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance. E.C. McKenzie observed that “some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble.”  I, for one, contend that true friendship is worth the hassle.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a columnist and leadership coach with the Center for Healthy Churches.)

My wife, a true child of the south, loves sweet tea. I, on the other hand, prefer unsweet tea with fresh lime or lemon.

At least twice recently, as we were dining out, our server refilled my wife’s sweet tea glass with unsweetened iced tea. In both cases, when we called it to the server’s attention, each server insisted that the label on the pitcher read “sweet tea.”  We suggested that “unsweet tea” had mistakenly been poured into the pitcher designated for “sweet tea.”

The servers seemed shocked that such an atrocity could have happened. They assumed that the label correctly identified the contents.

In the days following these two incidents, I couldn’t help but note how many things in life are mislabeled. And I began to observe more and more individuals trying to attach a pejorative label to other individuals.

As we were preparing to move a couple of years ago, we were sorting, culling, and discarding things from our drawers and closets as we packed. Among the nostalgic things I discovered was a vintage Dymo Label Maker. I don’t mean the label software we use to create and print file folder labels or barcodes. I mean the manual handheld label maker into which we fed bright color label tape and embossed letters or numbers to place on cabinet doors, boxes, storage containers, light switches, and school lunch boxes and other items to identify their owners, state their contents, or indicate their function.

The discovery of our old label maker caused me to reflect more deeply about the appropriate use of labels. Labels have been around a long time, and until recent years there has been an unspoken etiquette regarding there usage. Here are a few best practices we should remember regarding labels:

• Label things, not people. Philip Pullman contended, “People are too complicated to have simple labels.”

• Attach labels to your own stuff, not someone else’s. As we continued packing, we didn’t actually create vintage labels. Rather, we used a Sharpie to identity the contents of the box or the room where it should go. No one else, not even the moving company, could do that for us.

• Remember that the contents determine the label; the label does not determine the contents. Just like the pitcher labeled “sweet tea,” the contents of “unsweet tea” superseded whatever was on the label.

• Look for the newest label on the box and disregard the old labels. Like our moving boxes, some of our repurposed boxes had markings that read “books,” but we marked through old label and wrote “dishes.” Contents change. And so does character.

• Labels lose their sticktuitiveness. The adhesive of most labels is more like masking tape than duct tape. And masking tape is for short-term, not long-term use.

• Labels can be intentionally deceitful. If you have expensive jewelry, for example, do not keep it in a jewelry box on your dresser so that it can be easily found during a break-in. Likewise, political and religious labels can be used to misdirect or manipulate the reputation or character of another human being to create a perceived advantage for the labeler and a disadvantage for the one being labeled.

• Jesus lived in a way that defied labels and likely expects his followers to do the same. Rather than trying to decide which political label, cultural label, doctrinal label, or religious label to wear, what if we lived in a way that defied labels? Maybe our calling is to be so focused on emulating the way of Jesus that our lifestyle aligns with his values and teachings.

As we were determining which items to keep and which to discard, despite the nostalgia, we opted to dispose of the vintage Dymo Label Maker. We are at a stage of life where we hope to use fewer labels, not more of them.

And maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place if we all used fewer labels, and that we are extremely careful with the ones we do use.

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a columnist and leadership coach with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife currently live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Our reflective Lenten journey is complete and our celebrative journey into Eastertide has begun. But before we leave Holy Week too quickly, there are a few takeaways from the stories we encountered we need to bookmark, a few lessons for daily living that may help us follow Jesus more effectively.

The overarching message of God’s love and forgiveness is demonstrated through the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus. However, the passion narrative is actually a composite of individual episodes that contribute to the central plot which reaches its apex with the cross and the empty tomb.

As I look back on the events that occurred during Jesus’ pivotal week in Jerusalem, here are a few lessons about life and faith that I want to remember:  

• Every temple needs cleansing now and then. This includes those built of brick and mortar, and those composed of flesh and blood.
  
  
• Parables prompt us to stop and think. Rather than telling us what to think, the stories of Jesus stimulate us to think more deeply about the intersection of life and faith.
  
  
• Servants lead and leaders serve. Taking up the towel and basin is simultaneously an act of service and an expression of leadership.
  

• Commands are non-negotiable. A mandate is different than a prerogative or a preference. For example, “Love one another” is a command to be obeyed, not an option to be considered.

• Table time is treasured time. Breaking bread around the table with friends…those are occasions to be remembered.

• Pray the prayer of holy indifference. Jesus prayed “Not my will, but your will be done” once. I must pray the words of this prayer continually because my will is so blatantly self-oriented.

• Beware of those who kiss up to you. They either have an agenda of their own, or they are in cahoots with those plotting a coup.

• Avoid judging others. In fact, be careful not to judge Judas, for we too may be tempted to betray Jesus, but for much less than 30 pieces of silver.

• Going along with the crowd is always a risky venture. Crowds seldom make wise decisions. The will of God is rarely determined by popular vote.

• Death does not have the final word. The resurrection declares that life conquers death and hope prevails over despair.

Each of the daily stories that comprise the big story of Holy Week has something to teach us about bringing faith to life. These lessons from the life of Jesus inspire us to be more faithful followers and they equip us to be better disciples.

Christmas is always on December 25. Why is Easter not on the same date every year?

Last year Easter was on April 4. This year we will celebrate Easter on April 17. Next year Easter comes on April 9, just as the redbuds, dogwoods, and azaleas are beginning to bloom. In other years, Easter has arrived in late March when the weather is still wintry. 

Why does the date vary? Since the date of Easter is not an actual anniversary of the resurrection, when is the most appropriate time to celebrate?

That very question caused considerable debate and controversy in the early church. A quarrel broke out in the middle of the second century between church leaders in Rome and those in Asia Minor regarding the appropriate date for celebrating Easter. The practice in the East was to observe Easter according to the moon, regardless of the day of the week the observance fell on. The practice in Rome was to wait until the following Sunday. 

Bishop Polycarp, who was a disciple of the apostle John, represented the East, and Bishop Anicetus represented the West. Since they could not agree on the date, each continued to observe Easter according to his own conviction. The controversy became so intense that it threatened the harmony of the Christian world. 

Councils were called in Rome and Palestine to debate the merits of both arguments. Most of the participants generally favored celebrating Easter on Sunday. When the Bishop from Ephesus and many of the churches in Asia Minor refused to change their practice, they were declared “excommunicated” from the church by Bishop Victor of Rome.

Later, the Council of Nicaea, convened by Augustine in A.D.325, affirmed the calculation used to determine the official date of Easter and that calculation is still used today. Easter is celebrated on the Sunday following the first full moon falling on or after March 21. Therefore, Easter cannot come before March 22 or after April 25.

Even though the name, “Easter,” is packed with spiritual connotation, the term is derived from a pagan spring festival. Some believe it was named after the Teutonic god or goddess of spring. However, the name was seized by Christian believers and converted to a day of worship and feasting to celebrate the resurrection of Christ. 

Regardless of when it appears on the calendar, in March or in April, Easter is a high and holy day, a designated occasion to affirm and proclaim the foundation of the Christian gospel: Christ is risen! Christ is risen indeed!

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He resides in Brookhaven, Georgia. You can follow him on Twitter @BarrysNotes.)

²¹ Once more Jesus said to them, “I am going away, and you will look for me, and you will die in your sin. Where I go, you cannot come.” ²² This made the Jews ask, “Will he kill himself? Is that why he says, ‘Where I go, you cannot come’?” ²³ But he continued, “You are from below; I am from above. You are of this world; I am not of this world. ²⁴ I told you that you would die in your sins; if you do not believe that I am he, you will indeed die in your sins.” ²⁵ “Who are you?” they asked. “Just what I have been telling you from the beginning,” Jesus replied. ²⁶ “I have much to say in judgment of you. But he who sent me is trustworthy, and what I have heard from him I tell the world.” ²⁷ They did not understand that he was telling them about his Father. ²⁸ So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me. ²⁹ The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him.” ³⁰ Even as he spoke, many believed in him. John 8:21-30 NIV

Shortly after Jesus scattered the accusers of a woman with a scarred past, those in the crowd became more curious about the identity of the one who dismissed the law professors by simply writing a mysterious message in the sand.

A short time later, as Jesus resumed his teaching he announced, “I am the light of the world” (v.12). This again caused the Pharisees to challenge his declaration and question his true identity.

Identity verification has come a long way since the time of Jesus. Often, one or more printed documents are required to confirm one’s identity. In the United States, acceptable identity documents include a state-issued driver’s license or identity card, a social security card and a United States passport.

There are also more advanced ways to authenticate one’s identity including digital fingerprint scanning, facial recognition, voice recognition, and DNA comparison.

Rather than pulling out a heavenly ID card or scanning an incarnate fingerprint, Jesus identifies himself by his words and actions. John’s gospel underscores that Jesus is not of this world, he was sent on a redemptive mission by God the Father, he forgives those that others condemn, he is a light that shines in darkness, he is one whose aim is to please God, and he is one whose identity will be widely known once he is lifted up or raised.

Just as there were those who came before Jesus claiming to be the Messiah, there are many more who came afterward claiming that they were the Christ. Perhaps a greater dilemma has been the misrepresentation of Jesus by the people professing to represent the Christian faith. Too often Jesus is portrayed as the accuser or he is depicted as a mascot for one’s preferred political party.

There are some surefire ways to identify Jesus. Jesus is the one who says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go and sin no more!” (v11). Jesus is the one who brings light to the dark spaces and places in your life. Jesus is the one who, like God who sent him, doesn’t abandon you in the tough times in life.

During Lent, as we revisit the gospel accounts of Jesus’ life and ministry, let us sort through the urban myths and superstitions about Jesus, and let us rediscover and reaffirm his identity as the Son of God who was sent to deliver us from our sins.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca, a diverse, mission-driven congregation in the Buckhead Community in North Atlanta. He and his wife, Amanda, reside nearby in Brookhaven, Georgia. Barry also serves as a columnist and leadership coach for the Center for Healthy Churches.)

When a congregation welcomes a new pastor, it is an exciting time for both the congregation and the minister. To maximize this new beginning, it is important to prepare spiritually, cognitively, and emotionally for a new chapter.

Once a call to a new pastor is confirmed, there are a few things you can do personally and congregationally to prepare to follow a new spiritual leader:

• Pray for your new pastor.

In most of the churches I know, members pray for the pastor search team throughout the search process, and they pray for the pastor even before they know the identity of their new minister. They also pray for their new pastor in the pastor’s inaugural days of ministry.

However, I suggest making a commitment to pray daily for your pastor throughout the duration of his or her ministry. Once the “honeymoon period” is over and the daily grind of ministry begins, praying for your pastor will strengthen your pastor’s ministry and will fortify your bond with your pastor.

• Send your pastor a welcome note or email.

Be careful not to make this correspondence a lengthy epistle and certainly don’t make it a diatribe itemizing your personal expectations or agenda. Just offer a brief note, introducing yourself and/or family, and offering a heartfelt welcome.

When I moved to my last pastorate, I received over a hundred such notes, which confirmed and intensified my excitement about my new place of service.

• Mention your name on your first several encounters with your new pastor.

Once your new pastor arrives, make sure to offer your name in each greeting for the first few weeks. Learning names is important for pastors. And be sure not to embarrass the pastor by quizzing, “Do you remember my name?” Give your pastor the opportunity to learn your name and, over time, to learn a part of your life story.

• Embrace the uniqueness of your pastor.

Your pastor has a distinct personality, a unique set of spiritual gifts, and a diverse set of experiences. When the Spirit leads a church to a new pastor, the Spirit seldom leads a church or committee to a person just like the previous pastor or the beloved pastor from the church’s history. To compare your new pastor to any other is to disrespect the Spirit’s role in guiding you to your new pastor in the first place.

• Be prepared to follow.

A pastor who is worth his or her salt must lead in both optimal and challenging situations. And the kingdom of God is enriched when we as a congregation follow our pastor and embrace our mission with enthusiasm.

As a veteran pastor, I am quite aware that there is a small minority of pastors who are “wolves in sheep’s clothing,” whose motives are deceptive and whose methods are manipulative, and they need to be held accountable. However, the vast majority of pastor’s I know provide proactive leadership that is Spirit-led and mission focused.

Don’t be a backseat driver. Serve with your best gifts.

• Encourage your congregation to provide a coach for your pastor for the first 100 days or longer.

The first 100 days of a new pastorate are a precious resource that should be thoughtfully and carefully spent by the pastor and the congregation. Inviting a coach to guide this process is a worthwhile investment of resources and time. The intent is to proactively engage a series of opportunities and key people. Without a thoughtful plan, the pressing agendas and needs of the church and people will crowd out the less urgent, but very important agenda that deserves attention.

Although I had several years of pastoral experience, I hired a coach a few years ago to help sharpen and update my leadership skills. I only wish I had retained a coach earlier in my ministry. The Center for Healthy Churches can assist your church in providing a leadership coach for your pastor during his or her first 100 days.

• Be attentive to caring for the pastor’s family during the transition and afterward.

You are not just calling a pastor; you are calling a pastor’s family. Moving is difficult for everyone, but it is perhaps even more challenging for a pastor’s family. Sometimes the children and spouse stay behind to complete the school year. Often the pastor’s family must live in temporary housing before they find a permanent home.

It is especially challenging for a pastor’s children to leave their friends behind and move to a new school and church. It is also difficult for a pastor’s spouse to transfer to a new community, a new social network, and possibly even a new place of employment.

While your church is excited about welcoming a new pastor, keep in mind that your new pastor and their family are going to be dealing with grief of departure even as they are trying to embrace the excitement of a new beginning. These emotions are tough to balance.

• If your new pastor moved during the pandemic, provide an opportunity for your church and community to meet the pastor’s family in-person.

During the past two years, quite a few churches have proceeded to call pastors via one of the many video options. A few of those pastors preached via livestream only for their first several months. Others met a few members in-person and look forward to meeting other members of the church family.

Unusual circumstances call for radical creativity. Once it is reasonably safe to do so, plan a picnic, a reception, or some other fun event to welcome the pastor and their family even if they have been on the field for several months. A Zoom introduction just isn’t the same as a face-to-face welcome.

• Give your pastor permission to fail.

The best pastors don’t succeed 100 percent of the time. And as churches and pastors adapt to ministry in the post-pandemic world, there will be higher degree of trial and error than there was in the pre-pandemic era.

A few weeks into one of my pastoral assignments, a sincere church member said to me, “I am glad you’re here. Every pastor I have had has disappointed me. I hope you never disappoint me.” I quickly countered, “Let me just disappoint you right now and get it out of the way. Like you I am an imperfect human being who will make mistakes. But if we forgive one another as God has forgiven us, we will get along just fine.”

I must admit, I think my response disappointed this well-intentioned member. Don’t hold your pastor to a standard of perfection that is impossible to maintain. Allow your minister room to make mistakes.

• Speak positively about your pastor publicly and privately.

One of the ways we bring out the best in our ministers is to speak well of them publicly and privately. With most pastors, it is easy to find something to criticize, because every minister has weaknesses: “He is too loud.” “She is too soft-spoken.” “He uses big words I don’t understand.” “She is not a people person.”

However, every pastor has more strengths than weaknesses. A healthy pastoral tenure is nurtured when we magnify our pastor’s strengths, and then minimize and compensate for our pastor’s weaknesses.

There are many other ways to welcome your new pastor and to launch your pastor into an effective and healthy tenure. If you compare them to your favorite football coach and expect them to “win every game,” not only will you be disappointed, you will also make your minister miserable and ultimately ineffective.

But if you receive your new pastor as a spiritual leader sent to encourage your faithfulness, challenge your presuppositions, and bring out God’s best in you, then the relationship between pastor and congregation will be vibrant and effective.

A few years ago, one of my colleagues and mentors, Hardy Clemons, reminded a group of us of the peculiar role of serving as a pastor: “Our goal is to minister: it is not to show a profit, amass a larger financial corpus or grow bigger for our own security. The ultimate goals are to accept God’s grace, share the good news, invite and equip disciples, and foster liberty and justice for all.”

And as church members, we are privileged to co-labor with our pastor in this transformative work of demonstrating grace, sharing the good news, and equipping disciples.

The Center for Healthy Churches promotes healthy practices and relationships among clergy and congregations. CHC consultants are committed to the local church and we stand ready to assist you as you navigate the unique challenges and opportunities of your place of service. For more information about our services, please contact us.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a Leadership Coach with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently resides in Brookhaven, Georgia. His writings also appear on his blog, Barrys Notes, and you can follow him on Twitter @BarrysNotes.)