Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience, an emotional upheaval that comes hand in hand with loss. Whether it be the passing of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, or even the loss of a job or a dream, grief manifests in various forms throughout our lives. Orson Scott Card contends, “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”

Despite being a universal emotion, it is often one of the most difficult to discuss openly. In a society that tends to avoid uncomfortable topics, having honest conversations about grief becomes essential in fostering healing and understanding for those who are navigating through the depths of sorrow.

Grief is a multifaceted and complex emotion. It can be unpredictable, chaotic, and different for each individual. Therefore, the grieving process varies based on personality and circumstance. Some may experience intense emotions immediately, while others may take longer to process their feelings. There is no timetable for healing, and individuals should feel free to grieve at their own pace without judgment or pressure.

Call on the resources of your faith and faith community. Although faith does not exempt us from grief, faith does equip us to grieve in healthy ways. Grief is tremendously tough for those who are grounded in their faith. Grief can be devastating to those with no faith foundation and no community of support.

Acknowledge your grief. Do not keep it bottled up deep inside. Society has ingrained the idea that grieving should be done privately, behind closed doors, making it challenging for those experiencing grief to share their pain with others. This lack of open dialogue can lead to isolation, feelings of loneliness, and a reluctance to seek support. It is crucial to encourage open conversations about grief and break the silence surrounding it. Richard Rohr advises, “As any good therapist will tell you, you cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.”

Empathy and respect are essential. To engage in honest conversations about grief, empathy is the key. Understanding and acknowledging the pain of others without judgment allows for a deeper connection and a more supportive environment. Grief can be overwhelming, and simply having someone listen and validate one’s feelings can make a significant difference in the healing process.

Empathy also involves avoiding clichés and platitudes, as they can unintentionally invalidate the grieving person’s experience. Phrases like “time heals all wounds” or “they are in a better place” may be well-intentioned, but they can be dismissive of the individual’s pain. Instead, offering a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a simple “I’m here for you” can provide immeasurable comfort.

Provide grace and space for others to grieve. This is one of the greatest gifts you can give to a grieving friend or family member. Honest conversations about grief create safe spaces for people to express their feelings without fear of judgment or criticism. It encourages active listening and genuine engagement, enabling the bereaved to share their stories openly. Such safe spaces can be formal, like support groups or counseling sessions, or informal, among close friends and family.

Help destigmatize grief. The societal expectation to “stay strong” and “move on” often leads to the stigmatization of grief. Honest conversations about grief help break down these barriers and create a supportive environment for those who are suffering. When people feel comfortable sharing their experiences, they find solace in knowing they are not alone, reducing the burden of their grief.

Encourage professional help when needed. While conversations with friends and family are essential, some individuals may require professional help to process their grief fully. Honest discussions about grief can also include gentle encouragement for seeking counseling or therapy. Trained professionals can offer specialized support and tools to navigate the challenging terrain of grief,

Offer support, not advice or explanation. Supporting someone going through grief is not about trying to fix their pain; rather, it is about being a compassionate presence. Here are some ways to be supportive:

1. Be present: Offer your presence and companionship without judgment. Sometimes, a silent presence can be more comforting than words.
2. Listen actively: Give the bereaved person space to talk about their feelings, memories, and experiences. Listen attentively and avoid interrupting or imposing your own opinions.
3. Validate their emotions: Let them know that their feelings are valid and that it is okay to grieve.
4. Offer practical help: Assist with daily tasks, such as preparing meals or running errands, as grief can be emotionally and physically exhausting.
5. Avoid imposing timelines: Not all friends and family members grieve at the same pace. Recognize that grief is a personal journey and allow the individual to process their emotions at their own pace.

Honest conversations about grief are essential for promoting healing and understanding among those experiencing loss. Breaking the silence and providing a safe space for individuals to share their pain can help dispel the stigma around grieving and foster a supportive community. Empathy and active listening play a crucial role in supporting the bereaved during their journey through grief. By embracing the reality of grief and offering a compassionate presence, we can help those who are grieving feel seen, heard, and supported as they navigate the complexities of loss.

Sarah Bessen suggests, “Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” That is the goal of healthy grief, to gradually lead us from the emotional tumult toward a place of stability.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

I read a lot of different authors, especially those who speak truth and wisdom about the challenges and opportunities facing churches. Robert Creech released a book in 2019 about Family Systems and Congregational Life. One of my favorites is Philip Yancey’s book, Church: Why Bother? Several years ago Bill Hybels released a book titled, Just Walk Across the Room, about creative ways to build connections. I was glad to contribute to the recent Center for Healthy Churches book which addresses the question, What Is a Healthy Church? Before her passing, journalist Phyllis Tickle gifted us with The Great Emergence: How Christianity Is Changing and Why. And I continue to be inspired by Bishop Michael Curry’s book, Crazy Christians: A Call to Follow Jesus.

Recently I read Carey Nieuwhof’s book Lasting Impact: 7 Powerful Conversations That Will Help Your Church Grow. Nieuwhof’s message is painful, helpful, and encouraging. At times it almost seems like Nieuwhof has been reading my mail, although the truths he shares are applicable to most congregations.

Here are 12 excerpts from Nieuwhof’s recent books that can help us navigate the challenges and opportunities knocking at our church door:

• Remember, it’s not your programs or methods as a church that are sacred; it’s your mission.
• We’re leading people to Jesus, not to ourselves or to our awesome church. Keeping the focus on Christ ensures that genuine life change happens and lasts.
• Churches in decline often think in terms of what they can get from people—money, time, growth, etc. Churches that will make an impact on the future will be passionate about what they want for people—financial balance, generosity, the joy of serving, healthier families, and of course, Christ at the center of everyone’s life.
• The staggering truth is that 40 to 50 percent of students who are active in the church in their senior year of high school will drift away from the church as young adults. Did you catch that? Not 40 to 50 percent of kids, but 40 to 50 percent of kids who are active in their final year of high school will walk away.
• If your church is a museum of 1950 or even 2012, the likelihood of reaching the next generation diminishes with every passing day.
• Many individual congregations and some entire denominations won’t survive the next ten years. The difference between those who make it and those who don’t will be the difference between those who cling to the mission and those who cling to the model. When you go through a cultural shift as deep as the present shift, the mission survives but the model changes.
• People need to be reached. The love of Jesus was designed to spill far beyond the walls of the church, not be contained within them.
• Talk to people you disagree with, not about them.
• A B-plus plan brilliantly executed beats an A-plus plan that never gets implemented, every single time.
• If the change inside the church isn’t equal to or greater than the change outside our walls, greater irrelevance is inevitable.
• The challenge is not to resist change but to learn how to thrive in the midst of it.
• The remarkable part of Christianity is not that we have a Savior who came to deliver us but that we have a Savior who sees us for who we really are and loves us anyway.

As God continues to do a “new thing” in our churches, let us treasure the past yet embrace the future. Let us be faithful and flexible. Let us be prepared to change our methods of ministry to accomplish our mission. And let us always prioritize God’s plan more than our preferences.

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife Amanda currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

These days many have departed or disconnected from the local church. Some are burned out and some have just been burned by the messiness created by mean-spirited or misdirected church people. However, many other members and non-members are thinking in fresh ways about the positive role of the church as they address their need for spiritual community and their desire to serve in ways that make a difference.

Why connect with church in the first place? Popular author Philip Yancey, who readily confesses his own struggles with the church, ultimately affirmed, “I go to church as an expression of my need for God and God’s family.”

A few years ago, a young military couple approached me after a worship service and said, “We would like talk to you about joining the church.” I invited them to my study and began the conversation by saying, “Tell me a little about your faith journey and church background.” They looked at each other and said, “We don’t have a church background, so we want you to start at the beginning.”

I proceeded to talk with them about what it means to be a follower of Jesus, what it means to be baptized, and the importance of being connected to a spiritual community. They indicated that they were ready to start their journey of following Jesus and they wanted to be baptized. But then they added, “Before we join the church, we need to ask, what are the responsibilities of a church member?”

That is a great question. I’ve discovered that there are many individuals who have been church members for years who have not given much thought to their responsibilities as members of a congregation. These days some churches refer to their congregants as participants rather than members. I understand their reasons and I heartily endorse the emphasis on participation. However, congregational churches that are not a part of a diocese, presbytery, or adjudicatory, need to emphasize the importance of membership for both spiritual and legal reasons.

Micah 6:8 challenges all of us “to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with God.” In Matthew 16:19-20, Jesus commissions his early followers to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you.”

Together, these two provide a missional objective for all of God’s children. What kinds of things can church members do to inspire and energize each other around this core mission? Here are 12 things that could be included in the job description of a church member:

• Be a faithful participant in worship. Gathering with others to worship is a spiritual practice that sets the heartbeat of a church. It is so vitally important that Hebrews 10:25 urges us “not to give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing.” Streaming is a “Godsend” to those who are not able to attend on site because of health challenges, caregiving, or work schedule. However, gathering in person is even more meaningful, enabling us to experience the presence of God as we see and feel the presence of other worshippers.
  
  
• Pray for one another. We have the privilege of praying for each other through all the seasons of life including times of tribulation and occasions of celebration. James 5:16 is one of many scriptures that encourage us to “pray for one another.”
  
  
• Encourage one another. I Thessalonians 5:11 reminds us to “Encourage one another and build one another up.” In a time when many are discouraged and disheartened about their future, one of the most needed ministries of the church can be a ministry of encouragement.
  
  
• Prioritize a personal devotional time. Whether you call it “quiet time” or your “daily devotional,” a time for personal prayer, Bible reading, and reflection keeps us centered on God’s directives for our life. In the gospels, we learn that Jesus regularly withdrew to a quiet place.
  
  
• Give generously and cheerfully. Whether your method of giving involves storehouse tithing (Malachi 3:10) or first fruits giving (Proverbs 3:9-10), church members have the privilege of supporting missions and ministries through their systematic stewardship. I Corinthians 9:7 advises, “Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
  
  
• Invite and welcome others into the life of the church. In Luke 14:23 Jesus urged his disciples, “Go out…and compel them to come in, so that my house may be full.” Jesus’ method of reaching people was highly relational. It involved one friend influencing another to discover the path to God’s grace and forgiveness.
  
  
• Use your gifts and talents to serve God by serving others. Every individual is endowed with spiritual gifts and talents. And no one person or minister has the full package of gifts and talents needed to make a church effective. Therefore, I Peter 4:10 proposes, “Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.”
  
  
• Participate in the decision-making process of the church. In addressing some conflict in the early church in I Corinthians 14:40, Paul taught them, “Let all things be done decently and in order.” One of the best ways to preserve harmony and promote God’s mission is for each member to participate in the process.
  
  
• Be a consensus builder. Ephesians 4:3 emphasizes, “Make every effort to keep the unity of the spirit in the bond of peace.” These days it seems that individuals and organizations more easily devolve into conflictual and adversarial postures. However, if we adhere to the teachings of Jesus and follow the leadership of the Holy Spirit, we will become bridgebuilders and peacemakers.
  
  
• Pray for and partner with your church staff. Hebrews 13:7 instructs us to “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.” Let us pray not only for our ministers, but for all who serve on our church staff.
  
  
• Share your faith journey with others. In my experience, many of those who are not connected to a church or who do not have a meaningful faith commitment are open to conversations about faith. So, a big part of fulfilling the Great Commission is learning to share your faith story with others without being condescending or judgmental. Your story is powerful. I Peter 3:15 (MSG) suggests, “Be ready to speak up and tell anyone who asks why you’re living the way you are, and always with the utmost courtesy.”
  
  
• Invest your time and energy working for just and worthy causes. Just as individuals have different spiritual gifts, different followers of Jesus will become passionate about specific causes and concerns such as world hunger, poverty, peacemaking, human trafficking, the persecuted church, human equality, unreached people groups, and many more. Not every Jesus follower can work toward every cause, but every Jesus follower can work toward addressing at least one concern about which you are passionate.

Despite its imperfections, I believe in the ministry of the local church in its many iterations including traditional church, house church, online church, and fresh expressions, for example. The church or spiritual community is the place where I see and sense the Spirit is most at work to accomplish God’s mission in the world. Be assured the local church is most effective when each member does their part.

Philip Yancey admits, “I rejected the church for a time because I found so little grace there. I returned because I found grace nowhere else.”

As we fulfill our role as church members and followers of Jesus, may we create communities where those who feel disconnected or discouraged can discover a generous supply of grace and more.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia. You can follow him on Twitter at @BarryNotes.)

The first amendment to the Constitution of the United States confirms that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

In the freedom-loving spirit of early Baptists, John Leland declared, “Let every man speak freely without fear, maintain the principles that he believes, worship according to his own faith, either one God, three Gods, no God, or twenty Gods; and let government protect him in doing so.”

The separation of church and state is a fundamental principle that has been at the core of many democratic societies around the world. It defends against religious discrimination, preserves individual freedom, and calls for governmental neutrality. Here are 5 reasons why the separation of church and state is essential for fostering a diverse, inclusive, and harmonious society:

• Preserves religious freedom: One of the primary reasons for the separation of church and state is to safeguard religious freedom for all citizens. By ensuring that government institutions do not promote or favor any particular religion, citizens are free to practice their faith or beliefs without fear of persecution or discrimination. This protects the rights of minorities and prevents the dominance of any one religious group, fostering an environment of tolerance and respect. Rick Warren contends, “A truly free society protects all faiths, and true faith protects a free society.”  

• Prevents religious coercion: When church and state are entwined, there is a risk of religious coercion, where the government may impose religious beliefs or practices on its citizens. This undermines personal autonomy and can lead to the marginalization of those who hold different beliefs. By keeping religion separate from government, individuals can make their own choices about their faith, free from the influence of the state.
  
  
• Promotes respect and diversity: Separation of church and state fosters a society that embraces pluralism and diversity. By preventing the establishment of a state religion, it allows for the coexistence of different faith traditions, beliefs, and practices. This creates an environment where individuals can engage in interfaith dialogue, learn from one another, and celebrate the richness of diverse religious expressions. A society that values and respects diverse religious perspectives is more likely to cultivate respect, understanding, and social harmony.
  
  
• Protects religious communities: Separation of church and state also safeguards the autonomy and integrity of religious organizations and spiritual communities. By keeping government interference at bay, religious communities can freely carry out their religious duties, practices, and teachings without external influences. They are better equipped to fulfill their spiritual mission and address the needs of their respective communities without being subject to political pressures or manipulation.

• Provides a path for rational decision-making: Government decisions should be based on reason, evidence, and the common good of all citizens, not on the religious dogma of a specific group. Separation of church and state provides a path for policies and legislation to be formulated through a rational and democratic process, driven by the needs and objectives of the entire population. This strengthens the foundation of good governance and encourages leaders to make informed choices that benefit our nation.

The principle of separation of church and state is not an attack on religion but a protection of religious freedom and individual rights. By maintaining this distinction, we uphold the values of democracy and equality. Early American Baptist clergyman Isaac Backus argued, “Religious matters are to be separated from the jurisdiction of the state not because they are beneath the interests of the state, but, quite to the contrary, because they are too high and holy and thus are beyond the competence of the state.” 

Thomas Jefferson insisted, “Erecting a wall of separation between church and state is absolutely essential in a free society.”  The separation of church and state allows for a diverse and harmonious society where individuals are free to practice their faith and beliefs without fear, and where governance should be guided by reason, fairness, and the best interests of the people. Embracing the separation of church and state is vital for the well-being of our communities and the flourishing of democratic values in our world.

(Barry Howard serves at the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Religious liberty, the freedom to practice one’s faith without intimidation or persecution, is a cornerstone of democratic societies around the world. Our Baptists ancestors were among the many who contended for this liberty for persons of all faiths or no faith.

The First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States confirms that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

Religious freedom stands as a beacon of individual and collective rights, fostering diversity, tolerance, and the flourishing of vibrant communities. Here are seven reasons why I believe religious liberty is of paramount importance in an ever-changing world:

• Ensures Freedom of Worship: Religious liberty guarantees the freedom to practice one’s faith openly, both individually and collectively. It encompasses the freedom to worship, assemble for religious purposes, and engage in religious rituals and observances. Whether it is gathering for worship services, participating in religious ceremonies, or contributing to religious organizations, individuals must have the freedom to express their faith in a manner consistent with their beliefs. This liberty is essential for the spiritual well-being and growth of individuals and communities.
  
  
• Safeguards Freedom of Conscience: Religious liberty protects freedom of conscience, recognizing that true faith is a matter of sincere conviction. One of our historic Baptist principles involves “the soul competency of the individual.” Religious liberty makes certain that individuals are free to explore, question, and embrace their spiritual beliefs without fear of retribution or societal pressure. This freedom of conscience extends beyond religious beliefs to encompass moral and ethical convictions as well.
  
  
• Welcomes Pluralism and Diversity: Religious liberty celebrates the richness of human diversity and supports the coexistence of various faith traditions. It creates an environment where individuals can freely express their religious convictions, contributing to a vibrant tapestry of cultural and spiritual heritage. Pluralism enriches societies, fostering mutual respect, understanding, and social cohesion.

• Protects Against Persecution and Discrimination: Religious liberty serves as a safeguard against discrimination, ensuring that no individual or group faces prejudice based on their religious beliefs. It upholds the principle of equal treatment under the law, promoting a just and inclusive society. Thomas Paine cautioned, “Persecution is not an original feature in any religion; but it is always the strongly marked feature of all religions established by law. By protecting against discrimination, religious liberty fosters social justice and equality for all.”
  
  
• Promotes Social Justice: Religious liberty plays a vital role in promoting social justice and defending the rights of marginalized and vulnerable populations. It empowers individuals and religious organizations to advocate for justice, speak out against oppression, and provide resources to the underserved. Spiritual communities play an active role in addressing social issues, including poverty, inequality, and human rights abuses. By protecting religious liberty, we empower individuals and religious organizations to fulfill their calling to serve and work for the common good.
  
  
• Inspires Moral and Ethical Living: Religious liberty provides individuals with the freedom to follow moral and ethical frameworks guided by their faith. For example, teachings like those of Jesus shape personal conduct, inspire acts of kindness, and promote values such as justice, forgiveness, and love. By allowing individuals to live out their values, religious liberty encourages the development of a cohesive and compassionate society.
  
  
• Safeguards Against Extremism: History is filled with instances of religious wars and conflicts that led to division and violence. Religious liberty acts as a safeguard against extremism and radicalization. When individuals are free to practice their faith peacefully, they are less likely to resort to violence in the name of religion. Religious liberty, coupled with robust interfaith dialogue, promotes understanding and unity, countering the inciting forces of contempt and hatred.

Baptists have historically championed religious freedom for all religious groups, believing that if one group loses religious freedom, we will all lose our religious freedom. George Truett emphasized, “Baptists have one consistent record concerning liberty throughout all their long and eventful history. They have never been a party to oppression of conscience. They have forever been the unwavering champions of liberty, both religious and civil.”

Religious freedom is a basic right that respects autonomy, celebrates diversity, and encourages the pursuit of “liberty and justice for all.” As we champion religious liberty, we affirm the importance of respecting and protecting the rights of every individual to practice their faith freely, contributing to a more inclusive, compassionate, and harmonious world.

As citizens of these United States, we enjoy more comprehensive freedoms than any other nation on earth. On this 4^th of July week, let us remember that with great freedom comes great responsibility.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.) Top of Form