Month: May 2024

A Day for Remembering

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

Elie Wiesel proposed, “Without memory, there is no culture. Without memory there would be no civilization, no future.“

Today is Memorial Day. Because our military appreciation holidays have specific purposes, someone has clarified that Armed Forces Day honors those who are serving, Veterans Day honors those who have served, and Memorial Day commemorates those who died while serving.

No one knows for sure the exact number of men and women who have lost their lives in service of our country, but most veteran service agencies agree the number is 1.2 million or higher.

During my 46 years of ministry, I have been privileged to serve in two distinguished military communities: Anniston (former home of Fort McClellan) and Pensacola (home of Pensacola Naval Air Station). I continue to share life with those who currently serve or have valiantly served our country. Over the past three years I have enjoyed conversations with multiple military chaplains, officiated a wedding for a naval aviator, presided over the memorial service of a World War II veteran, and listened to the career story of a former navy pilot, now in his eighties.

In each of the communities where I have served, an extraordinarily large number of residents have lost a son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister, friend or neighbor on the field of battle. During my tenure in Pensacola, I offered eulogies at the Barrancas National Cemetery, where over 32,000 are interred, for more than a hundred memorial services for veterans or their family members.

For this reason, Memorial Day evokes in me more of a sense of somber observance than of celebration. On this one weekend of the year, in the words of Aaron Kilbourne, “The dead soldier’s silence sings our national anthem.”

Although the final Monday in May can often become a holiday marking the beginning of summer, we should be careful that the meaning of this day does not become lost in the business of our activities. Memorial Day is not just another day off from work but a day to remember those who have lost their lives in the military service of our country.
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A nation that fails to remember the sacrifices of those who came before us will inevitably succumb to a convenient amnesia, a loss of corporate memory that eventually robs succeeding generations of acquaintance with our national heritage. To fail to remember creates a contagious apathy that leads to a neglect of both our freedom and our citizenship. To fail to remember can produce a false sense of security and an inaccurate perception that we are exempt from future warfare. If for no other reason, we should remember in order to guard against what George Washington called “the impostures of pretended patriotism.”

Perhaps our virtual reality world is becoming too much of a fantasy world. When we mute the self-serving and accusative political rhetoric, remembering our unabridged heritage can stir in us both a gut check and a reality check. The kind of remembering we need to do on Memorial Day is an uncomfortable but necessary discipline, a practice that forges vision from memory and distills wisdom from history.

As we observe Memorial Day this year, it’s okay to grill the burgers and brats. It’s okay to watch the baseball game. It’s okay to play 18. And it’s okay to take a boat ride with the family. But whatever we do, let us take time to remember the women and men who served with extraordinary courage to establish and preserve our freedom to do all these activities and more. By remembering our history, may we be better prepared to engage the enemies of our day with the weapons of peace, not war.

(photo- Barrancas National Cemetery, Naval Air Station, Pensacola, Florida.)

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. You can follow him on Twitter at @barrysnotes.)

Upgrading Your EQ: 8 Tips for Managing Your Emotions

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

Psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl, proposed, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.” Among the most important decisions we make in life is how we manage our emotions.

In recent years, leadership training events have emphasized the importance of emotional intelligence. But emotional strength and balance are important for everyone, not just those in leadership roles. Utilizing the tools available to help us manage our emotions is especially important for followers of Jesus.

What is emotional intelligence? Emotional intelligence, also known as emotional quotient, refers to our ability to monitor and control our own emotions. Your emotional quotient (EQ) is not the same as your intelligence quotient (IQ), but it is just as important.

Developing a high EQ will reduce mental stress by equipping you with self-awareness, self-regulation, and good communication skills. This will inspire confidence and fortify your emotional strength.

What are the primary human emotions? Several years ago, psychologist Paul Eckman identified six basic emotions that he suggested were universally experienced in all human cultures. The emotions he identified were happiness, sadness, disgust, fear, surprise, and anger. He later expanded his list of basic emotions to include such things as pride, shame, embarrassment, and excitement.

If it feels like your emotions are “all over the map” during this season, you are not alone. Ongoing wars, divisive political rhetoric, economic uncertainty, and terse public discourse are just a few of the things that have challenged our sense of emotional balance.

Here are 8 tips to help us navigate our emotions:

  • Be assured that increased emotional activity is normal. Changes in our routine, reconfigurations in our network of relationships, stress in the workplace or classroom, and uncertainty about the future all tend to elevate our anxiety and stir a variety of emotions.

  • Anticipate emotional fluctuations. During normal times, you may experience momentary surges in anxiety, frustration, anger, and grief. During changing times, those spikes may occur more frequently and last longer.

  • Practice patience. Be patient with yourself and others as you adapt to changes and establish new patterns in your daily routine.

  • Exercise. Walk, run, stretch, or ride your bike. Physical exercise has a way of clearing emotional debris and helping us to recalibrate a healthy sense of balance.

  • Own your emotions. Discuss your emotional fluctuations with a trusted friend, accountability partner, or counselor. Verbalizing your emotions may prove to be therapeutic. Consider adopting journaling, talk therapy, or meditation as regular practices.

  • Become more grounded in your faith. Let your spirituality serve as an anchor. Emotions can be fickle and need to be held accountable to our core values.

  • Fly by the instrument panel. Like a veteran pilot landing a plane in the fog, make decisions based on what you “know,” not how you “feel” at any given moment.

  • Enlist a therapist or counselor. Just like we go to the dentist to care for our teeth and an optometrist to care for our eyes, we may choose to see a counselor for help in navigating our emotions. We don’t wait until our teeth deteriorate to go to the dentist, and similarly, we should not wait until we reach desperation or rock-bottom depression before seeing a therapist.

John Seymour contended, “Emotions make great servants, but tyrannical masters.”

Strengthening our emotional intelligence is key to keeping all the other dimensions of life in harmony. Proverbs 4:23 cautions, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”

(Barry Howard is a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. You can follow him on Twitter at @BarrysNotes.)