Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience—an emotional upheaval that accompanies loss. Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, the end of a cherished relationship, or the loss of a job or a dream, grief takes many forms throughout our lives. As Orson Scott Card observes, “Life is full of grief, to exactly the degree we allow ourselves to love other people.”

Although grief is a universal emotion, it remains one of the most difficult to discuss. In a culture that often avoids uncomfortable topics, honest conversations about grief are vital. They help foster healing, build understanding, and provide comfort to those navigating the depths of sorrow.

Grief is multifaceted and deeply personal. It can be unpredictable, chaotic, and different for each person. That’s why it’s important to remember: there is no “right” way to grieve.

Some experience intense emotions immediately; others need more time to process. There is no timetable for healing, and individuals should feel free to grieve at their own pace—without judgment or pressure.

Draw on the Strength of Faith and Community

Faith does not exempt us from grief, but it can equip us to grieve in healthy, hope-filled ways. A supportive faith community can offer comfort, presence, and a reminder that we do not walk this path alone. For those without a faith foundation or a circle of support, grief can feel especially devastating.

Acknowledge Your Grief

Don’t bottle it up or push it aside. Our society often suggests that grief should be handled privately, behind closed doors. This mindset can isolate the grieving, leaving them feeling alone and reluctant to seek help. Open dialogue is essential.

As Richard Rohr wisely says, “You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge, and what you do not consciously acknowledge will remain in control of you from within, festering and destroying you and those around you.”

Maintain an Attitude of Empathy and Respect

Empathy is the key to honest conversations about grief. It allows us to acknowledge another’s pain without trying to fix it or explain it away. Grief can feel overwhelming, and sometimes, the most helpful response is simply listening.

Avoid clichés and platitudes. While well-intended, phrases like “time heals all wounds” or “they’re in a better place” can minimize the person’s pain. A sincere “I’m here for you” or the gift of quiet presence often speaks more powerfully.

Give Yourself and Others the Grace and Space to Grieve

One of the greatest gifts we can give someone who is grieving is the grace to grieve in their own way and the space to express it freely. Safe spaces—whether in support groups, counseling settings, or among friends and family—allow individuals to share their grief without fear of criticism or dismissal.

Help Destigmatize Grief

Societal expectations to “stay strong” or “move on” can stigmatize grief, making people feel ashamed of their pain. Honest conversations help dismantle these barriers, reassuring the grieving that they are not alone.

Encourage Professional Support When Needed

While the support of friends and family is crucial, some may need professional guidance to process their grief. Gentle encouragement toward counseling or therapy can be part of a healthy response to grief. Trained professionals can offer tools and perspective to help navigate loss.

Offer Support—Not Fixes

Supporting someone in grief isn’t about offering advice or solutions. It’s about being a steady, compassionate presence. Here are a few practical ways to support someone:

• Be present: Simply showing up and staying nearby, even in silence, can provide great comfort.
• Listen actively: Give them space to share memories, emotions, and struggles without interruption.
• Validate their feelings: Let them know their emotions are normal and that it’s okay to grieve.
• Offer practical help: Grief can be exhausting. Small acts of service—like preparing a meal or running errands—can ease the burden.
• Respect the journey: Everyone grieves differently. Avoid imposing timelines or expectations.

Honest conversations about grief are crucial for healing. When we create safe, empathetic spaces for others to speak openly about their pain, we help dispel the stigma around grieving and foster a more supportive, compassionate community.

As Sarah Bessen writes, “Grief can be a burden, but also an anchor. You get used to the weight, how it holds you in place.” Healthy grief doesn’t erase the pain—but over time, it can ground us, gradually guiding us from emotional upheaval toward a place of greater stability.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who currently serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches.)

(Updated column from 2023)