Month: September 2025

10 Life Lessons I Am Learning from Golf

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

Even in my 30s, I never imagined myself playing golf. Our high school didn’t have a golf team at the time. I didn’t enjoy watching golf on TV. There were only a few courses in our part of the state. Apart from pastoral responsibilities, most of my time was spent on continuing education.

Once we moved to Kentucky and I finished my educational programs, I took an occasional walk at the course near our home. One afternoon, a few friends from my breakfast group put a seven-iron in my hand and challenged me to hit toward the green. I was hooked.

The next morning, my friend, Bob, left a golf bag containing an old set of Power Built clubs and a few golf balls on my porch. I called my friend, Darrell, who had been a high school golf coach earlier in his career, and asked him to give me a few lessons. And I’ve been learning to play the game ever since.

Golf is more than a sport. It’s a mirror of life—frustrating at times, exhilarating at others, and always filled with opportunities to learn. Over the years, I’ve discovered that golf is a surprisingly good teacher, offering lessons that extend far beyond the fairway. Here are ten life lessons golf continues to teach me:

1. Be patient. Progress is gradual. Golf is not a game of instant gratification. The pace is slow, and progress occurs over a prolonged period of time. Bobby Jones once said, “Golf is a game that is played on a five-inch course—the distance between your ears.” Like in life, patience isn’t passive. Patience is the active discipline of steady focus.

2. Every shot counts, but one shot doesn’t define you. One bad swing can feel catastrophic, but the round isn’t lost. Ben Hogan, who came back from a near-fatal car accident to win majors, reminded us: “The most important shot in golf is the next one.” That’s also true in life. Mistakes don’t define us unless we stop moving forward.

3. Practice and preparation matter. Arnold Palmer became famous for his pre-shot routine. He believed consistency in preparation led to consistency in play. The same is true in life: the habits we practice daily—prayer, reflection, study, planning, exercise, visioning, work ethic—shape how we perform when it counts.

4. There are many factors outside your control. A sudden gust of wind, a bad bounce off a tree, or a tricky lie in the rough all remind us of life’s unpredictability. As in faith, the key is learning to let go of what we cannot control and focus on how we respond.

5. Respect the game and the other participants. Golf is built on etiquette, which includes things like replacing divots, being quiet during another’s swing, and respecting the pace of play. This culture of respect is a life lesson we need off the course, too. One of those lessons is to treat others with dignity in all kinds of circumstances.

6. Be flexible and learn to adapt to unfairness. Courses are different, weather changes, and no two rounds are the same. Jack Nicklaus once said, “Golf is not, and never has been, a fair game.” Adaptability, whether on the 18th green or in the twists of life, is the difference between frustration and resilience.

7. The mental part of the game is as important as the physical. Golf legends like Tiger Woods talk often about mental toughness. You can have the best equipment, but without focus and confidence, the game unravels. Our mindset in life can determine our outcome or effectiveness.

8. Relationships enrich the game. While golf can be played alone, it is most often enjoyed with others. I have continued playing golf more for the friendships than the progress of my game. Some of the best conversations happen walking down a fairway. Similarly, life is richer when shared in community with others such as your family, friends, and church. A deep sense of community is what makes life’s journey meaningful.

9. Enjoy the scenery along the way. Another reason I’ve continued playing golf is that I enjoy the outdoor landscape. Golf courses are often constructed in beautiful settings. If all you focus on is your score, you’ll miss the sunrise over the trees or the quiet stillness of a lake or the deer running across the fairway or the eagle soaring overhead. Life, too, is more than deadlines and goals. Life goes better when you take time to notice the beauty of creation.

10. No matter how you start, you can finish well. A round of golf is judged by how you finish, not how you start. Gary Player, known for his determination, once said, “The harder you work, the luckier you get.” The same applies to life. Finishing with integrity, faithfulness, and determination, especially when you’ve experienced a few setbacks, is challenging but rewarding.

Golf, like life, is both humbling and inspiring. It teaches patience, resilience, and gratitude. It sharpens our focus and tests our ability to remain calm under pressure. The next time you step on the course, remember, golf is not just about the score. It’s about enjoying the day and soaking up the lessons learned along the way. And I’m still learning.

Marriage and Stuff: 7 Things I Wish We’d Been Told 40 Years Ago

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

On September 7, 1985, Amanda and I stood in front of the congregation at the Post Oak Springs Baptist Church, exchanged wedding vows, and promised to love, honor, and cherish each other for life. The sanctuary was packed, a garden of ferns filled the choir loft, and the reception consisted of a simple buffet of wedding, nuts, mints, and punch. We were young, hopeful, and ready to face the world together.

Now, 40 years later, we’ve discovered that marriage is the greatest classroom of all. It teaches lessons you never thought you needed, often through life’s pop quizzes you didn’t see coming. Looking back, I sometimes wonder what would have been different if someone had pulled us aside that day and whispered a few of things we were about to learn in the trenches.

Across the years, as I have met with couples for “pre-marriage counseling,” I have shared some of the insights we’ve gleaned from our experiences along the way. Here are a few of those lessons:

1. Love is less about feelings and more about choices. The butterflies fade, the flowers wilt, and the honeymoon ends. But choosing each other every day, especially on the hard days, is what keeps the bond strong.

2. You can’t fix each other. I think every couple thinks they can sand off their spouse’s rough edges. Turns out, each person’s rough edges tend to create a bit of healthy tension that keeps you engaged in the relationship. The truth is, marriage is about helping each other grow, not remodeling each other into your dream spouse.

3. Laughter really is medicine. We’ve learned that a shared laugh can dissolve tension faster than a well-argued point. A good sense of humor is as important as a good budget.

4. You will disappoint each other. Perfection is a myth. Forgiveness is a must. Grace has saved our marriage more times than strategy ever could. So keep making more space for grace.

5. Time is one of your most valuable gifts. Careers, calendars, and commitments will fight for your attention. But nothing nourishes a marriage like time together. Even ordinary moments—a walk, a meal, a quiet evening—become more meaningful when shared.

6. Change is constant. We’re not the same people we were at 21 and 25, and that’s a good thing. Healthy marriages make room for growth, reinvention, and a few gray hairs.

7. Faith anchors you. Storms come—stressful circumstances, health scares, and compounded grief—but faith has been our ballast. As Ecclesiastes reminds us, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

If I could go back and whisper something to that young couple at the altar, I’d say: “Relax. You won’t have it all figured out. Just keep choosing each other, keep laughing, keep forgiving, and keep leaning on God.”

For your marriage to have durability, you can never put your relationship on cruise control. You will be called on to be focused, faithful, and flexible. Maya Angelou nailed it when she wrote, “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” 

Forty years in, our relationship is still growing, not because life has been easy, but because we’ve weathered it together. And if marriage means you have to wade through  “stuff,” as the title suggests, then I’m grateful for every bit of that stuff—because it has shaped us into who we are today.

Here’s to the next chapter of love, laughter, and learning together.