15 The Holy Spirit also testifies to us about this. First he says: 16 This is the covenant I will make with them after that time, says the Lord. I will put my laws in their hearts, and I will write them on their minds.” 17 Then he adds: “Their sins and lawless acts I will remember no more.” 18 And where these have been forgiven, sacrifice for sin is no longer necessary. Hebrews 10:15-17 NIV
Long before mobile phones became the normal means of communication, my landline phone rang at 2:30 in the morning. Usually that meant it was either an emergency or a wrong number. Startled from my sleep, I grabbed the phone prepared for bad news. The voice on the other end of the line was frantic, but familiar. The caller was a church member, let’s call him Tommy, who apologized for calling during the night, but quickly explained his desperation.
I had known Tommy for years. He was a good guy, married, with two kids. I could tell that Tommy was at the bottom of the well emotionally and spiritually. He said he hadn’t slept well in several days because of struggling with a deep sense of guilt. During our conversation Tommy seemed consumed by the ghosts of his youthful and recent sins. More than once he said, “I am underserving of God’s grace” and “I’m not sure that Jesus can forgive my sins.”
As a young pastor, I was relieved it wasn’t a trauma call, and I was trying to think how to respond in a helpful way while still in the fog of being almost awake. Off the cuff I suggested three things: First, I said, “Being underserving is a prerequisite to receiving grace.” Second, I proposed, “I’m not sure which sin is bothering you most, but if it includes a violation of one of the Ten Commandments, I think you are covered.” And finally, I added, “If God has forgiven the sins of other human beings for thousands of years, it might be considered arrogant to think that you are an exception.”
After a long pause, Tommy said, “I’ve never thought about it that way before. I think you are right. Even my sins can be forgiven.”
Today is Good Friday, a day we reflect on the suffering of Christ on the cross. Let us be reminded that all our sins, from the simplest to the most horrendous, were nailed to that cross, and because of God’s grace, we are forgiven.
Prayer: Our most gracious God, thank you for forgiving the worst in us so that you can bring out the best in us. Through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca, a diverse, mission-driven congregation in North Atlanta. The Church at Wieuca is glad to support the ministry of Morningstar Children’s Home. Barry and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia. He also serves as a columnist and leadership coach for the Center for Healthy Churches.)
What are the things that contribute to happiness? Internationally acclaimed motivational speaker Denis Waitley insists, “Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, or worn. It is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace and gratitude.”
I have never met anyone with perfect circumstances, or anyone who constantly lives in a state of perpetual bliss and ecstasy. Life can be tough at times, and everyone I know has at least a few burdens to bear and obstacles to overcome.
So, what really makes a person happy? Is it reaching the pinnacle of a successful career? Is it finding the right soul mate? Is it being blessed with good health? Or could it involve achieving a certain status of wealth? While these factors may contribute to happiness, my observation is that these do not guarantee happiness. In fact, chasing after ideal circumstances is like pursuing the proverbial, but nonexistent, pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
In my experience as a pastor, I have encountered people who are happy most of the time, and people who are most definitely unhappy much of the time. I have friends who are extremely wealthy and friends who are moderately poor, and yet neither of these economic circumstances seems to be the determining factor in whether a person is happy.
Recently, as my wife and I were discussing some of our friends and their degree of happiness or lack thereof, I began to think about the common factors that we have observed in our friends who are generally happy. I have noted five common traits among our friends who live with a high degree of happiness:
Happy people treasure relationships. They consider the people in their lives, including their friends, family, and colleagues, to be blessings rather than burdens. In an article posted by the Stanford School of Medicine, Thomas Oppong proposes that “good social relationships are the most consistent predictor of a happy life.”
Happy people are cheerfully generous people. And science supports that observation. A study by the University of Zurich in 2017 concluded, “Generosity makes people happier, even if they are only a little generous. People who act solely out of self-interest are less happy. The study noted that merely promising to be more generous is enough to trigger a change in our brains that makes us happier.”
Happy people had rather serve than be served. They enjoy offering hospitality, participating in volunteer projects, and/or engaging in missional service. There’s a Chinese proverb that says, “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap. If you want happiness for a day, go fishing. If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune. If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.”
Happy people are resilient. You cannot keep them down. They tend to deal with adversity without being overwhelmed by it. They are resolved to bounce back quickly from disappointment. They perceive obstacles to be a bump in the road, not the end of the road. They have the determination and durability to outpace discouragement and despair.
Happy people are rooted and grounded in their faith. The happiest people I know have a simple, unassuming, and meaningful faith in God. Maybe that is why Psalm 144:15 declares, “Happy are the people whose God is the Lord.” Happy people have a spiritual life that thrives on a daily walk rather than a Sunday-only religion. They are comfortable in their own skin, and they seem to have the same disposition and attitude day in and day out.
While there is no “guaranteed or your money back” formula for achieving happiness, a happy approach to life seems to be connected to one’s attitude more than one’s circumstances. Happiness seems to correlate to one’s faith and mission in life.
Pretense is exhausting. And in church, pretentiousness is downright repelling to those who are searching for an authentic spiritual path. I am convinced that we are more likely to find happiness by following Jesus and practicing his teachings than by any other path in life. And that kind of happiness tends to be contagious.
Popular comedian Groucho Marx resolved, “I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
I once heard a minister say in a sermon, “God is more interested in your holiness than your happiness.” What if happiness and holiness are not mutually exclusive? Perhaps they play for the same team.
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in Atlanta, Georgia. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
On his 100th birthday he played a tennis match. When he turned 101, after suffering a light stroke, he switched from tennis to pickle ball. And he is the first person over 100 years old to invite me and my wife to join he and his girlfriend for a double date. Today Frank Stovall turns 102.
Over the years I’ve been privileged to serve as the pastor to more than two dozen men and women who have lived 100 years or more. The oldest lived to be 108. Each one of them were remarkable in their own way. Frank is by far the most active, perhaps because he has good health, great eyesight, a sharp mind, and a positive attitude.
Frank was born on February 25, 1921. Earlier this week when I asked Frank if he was having a big celebration, he said, “I don’t have a birthday. My family has turned it into a birthday season, with multiple events over several days.”
Since Frank is Wieuca’s most senior member and one of Wieuca’s two remaining charter members, I interviewed Frank about some of the most significant memories and highlights from his life. Here are a few of the questions I posed:
What are some of the biggest changes you’ve seen in your 102 years? Oh my! I really haven’t thought about that. There have been so many gradual changes. The city limits of Atlanta and other major cities have expanded. People have not changed all that dramatically…There are still some good people and some bad people. However, when I was younger there was so much trust. As time has gone on, we don’t have the trust in other people we once had. Of course, I’ve experienced the Great Depression and a couple of major wars. There have been overwhelming changes in technology, especially with computers and smartphones. Now you can ask your phone a question and it answers immediately. We used to look up those questions in the encyclopedia, which took a lot of time.
When did you start playing tennis and what was one major highlight of your tennis career? My brother played tennis, so of course I wanted to play. I started playing around the age of 10. I became pretty competitive, but there was one fellow who beat me regularly. I would be ahead in the match, and he would come from behind and win. One of my biggest moments was when I finally beat him. After that, he never beat me again.
When did you make your commitment to become a Christian?I think I was 8 years old when I made my commitment to Christ at the West End Baptist Church. M.A. Cooper was our pastor, and during the invitation hymn I walked the aisle and made my public profession of faith. I was baptized a short time later. Then I joined Wieuca as a charter member on July 7, 1954.
What are one or two fond memories from the early years of Wieuca? I remember our first meetings in the schoolhouse at R. L. Hope. Those were exciting days. Later, my wife and I started the young adult department and led that department for 25 years. It started as a young married department but expanded to include all young adults, married and single. Eddie and Dryna Rains and many other wonderful people were in our department back then.
Who are some of the influential people you remember in your life and in the church? In high school, a retired military gentlemen named Mr. Sutherland, was an excellent English teacher. He influenced many of us by his example and his teaching. In the intermediate department at Wieuca, Dr. Bill Galloway, was an outstanding Sunday School teacher, and respected leader. He was also a good tennis player and a great badminton player. I usually won when we played tennis and he usually won when we played badminton. He was highly regarded.
What is your hope for Wieuca in the future?I am very impressed with Wieuca and the faithfulness of those who have stayed. Our community has changed significantly since those early days. I hope Wieuca will always stand by the principles of Baptist theology. I hope Wieuca will continue to do the things that made Wieuca great. Hospitality, generosity, and creativity have been a few of Wieuca’s greatest strengths. I hope Wieuca will flourish in missions and ministry in the next chapter as it has in the past, which I suspect will look much different. But it will be good!
Until now, Frank has continued to drive himself to church on Sundays where he attends more than 90% of the time. However, he told me last Sunday that he plans to give up driving, not because he is no longer a good driver, but because his insurance company considers it too much of a liability for a 102 year old to drive. Then Frank added, “I guess I will start Ubering to church.”
Frank Stovall’s exemplary faithfulness is encouraging and, I hope, contagious.
James Garfield wrote, “If wrinkles must be written on our brows, let them not be written upon the heart. The spirit should never grow old.” Let’s all be Frank now, and not wait until we are 102.
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
If you have a longing for spiritual renewal, the observance of Lent presents a great opportunity to re-examine your life and recalibrate your soul.
Wednesday, February 22, is the first day of Lent. What is Lent? In the Christian tradition, Lent is a period of penitential preparation for Easter, which begins on Ash Wednesday in Western churches. Lent is observed for 40 days, like the fast of Jesus in the wilderness, and it traditionally focused on “fasting, prayer, and almsgiving.”
Respected British scholar, N. T. Wright, proposes that “Lent is a time for discipline, for confession, for honesty, not because God is mean or fault-finding or finger-pointing but because he wants us to know the joy of being cleaned out, ready for all the good things he now has in store.”
Lent is a time for repentance and a season for spiritual renewal. Perhaps over the past year you have neglected some of the important spiritual practices such as prayer, devotional reading, confession, thanksgiving, and worship participation. Maybe you have made poor ethical or moral decisions. Or possibly you have grown inactive or dormant in our spiritual walk.
Lent is a great time to reconnect, recommit, and reengage. To maximize the opportunity to deepen your spiritual walk, consider refreshing your devotional life (including prayer and Bible reading). In addition to the hard print devotional books, there are many online devotional options available for your Lenten reading. Here are a few examples:
Lent is also a time to prioritize our participation in worship. Worship is not only a time to gather with others to offer prayer, praise, and thanksgiving. Worship is a time encourage others along their journey and to allow others to encourage you. Consistent involvement in worship leads to a reshaping of our perspective and a realignment of our priorities.
Walter Brueggemann contends that Lent leads us exit an anxious way of life and to embrace a more simple way of life: “I imagine Lent for you and for me as a great departure from the greedy, anxious anti-neighborliness of our economy, a great departure from our exclusionary politics that fears the other, a great departure from self-indulgent consumerism that devours creation. And then an arrival in a new neighborhood, because it is a gift to be simple, it is a gift to be free; it is a gift to come down where we ought to be.”
So, where do we begin? Perhaps we begin by praying the words of Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, God, and know my heart;test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in Atlanta, Georgia. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife Amanda currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
What is it like to visit the home and the church of a former president?
In the spring of 2012, my wife and I were blessed to spend a week in Plains, Georgia where I had been invited to lead in revival services at the Maranatha Baptist Church. Their most famous members, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, were present in every service.
I first met Governor Jimmy Carter in 1975 when I was a sophomore in high school and he was the featured speaker for the Alabama State FFA Convention in Montgomery. Interestingly the delegates at those conventions were seated in alphabetical order according to the school they represented, and since I served as a delegate from Alexandria High School, I had a front row seat.
Then in 2004, Amanda and I made the pilgrimage to Maranatha to attend President Carter’s Sunday School class and stand in line with the other worshippers to have a photo taken with the 39th president. On that particular Sunday, Mrs. Carter was traveling internationally with an initiative related to the Carter Center.
Never would I have guessed in 1975 that I would become a pastor and someday preach in President Carter’s home church. After the first service in 2012, the worshippers formed a line to greet the guest preacher and his wife and welcome them to Maranatha. The Carters stood in line like every other member, and when they greeted us, Mrs. Carter welcomed us and commended the sermon, while President Carter shook my hand and kissed my wife on the cheek. She was so in awe of President Carter she quipped, “I may never wash my face again.”
The tradition at Maranatha is for the guest preacher to have lunch with the Carter’s during the revival week. We met the Carter’s at Dylan’s Diner on Wednesday, and then accompanied them to their home for dessert and conversation.
Before departing the restaurant, President Carter took me to every table in the restaurant, asked the patrons where they were from, introduced me as the guest evangelist for their revival, and invited every person in the diner to attend the final service that night. Then he added to his invitation, “If you come, you can sit with me and Rosalynn.” That night the attendance peaked, and the Carters were surrounded by the guests he invited from the restaurant.
The Carter’s home is modest and welcoming. President Carter built most of the furniture. We talked about his upbringing in Plains, his career in the Navy, his visits with world leaders, his work with Habitat for Humanity, his love for the Gulf Coast, and the well-being of several of our mutual friends. It was remarkable to hear stories of his recent conversations with Fidel Castro, and I was particularly interested in his recollections of Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin and Egyptian President Anwar Sadat.
Mrs. Carter, who insisted that we call her Rosalynn, had prepared sugar-free banana pudding for our dessert. She served it in a Corningware dish much like my grandmother’s. When I went to the kitchen to assist her with the coffee, I noted that she used a white older model Mr. Coffee coffeemaker, just like the one we use at home. Our visit was rich in simplicity and authenticity.
After we finished dessert, President Carter gave us a tour of his study, where he gave us an overview of some of his newest commentaries, followed by a tour of his workshop, where he showed us a few of his paintings and samples of his woodworks.
Then he said to Amanda, an avid tennis player, “Would you like to see our tennis court?” After he shared a few tennis stories, he said, “We normally take a photo of the guest minister on the front porch, but since Amanda loves tennis, we can take a photo of the four of us here on the tennis court.” Then he requested that one of the Secret Service Agents take the picture, a photo that we will continue to treasure for the remainder of our days.
After the photoshoot, we returned to the house to retrieve a few books he had signed for us, and then they walked us to our car, so we could return to the Plains Inn to freshen up before the evening service.
On the casual walk to our vehicle, as the two of them held hands, they shared with us that their home had been given to the National Park Service so that visitors could continue to visit Plains for years to come. Then Mrs. Carter pointed to a gardenesque area in the front yard and said, “And this is where we will be buried.” And President Carter squeezed her hand and said, “But not yet, Rosie. Not yet.”
In his book, A Full Life, President Carter confessed, “Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things that you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I’ve grown older I’ve become convinced that the things that matter most are the things that you can’t see — the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are.”
Before our visit, we knew the Carters were faithful servants and influential advocates for the poor, the persecuted, and the underserved. During our visit, we learned they were gracious, down to earth, and comfortable in their own skin.
On Saturday, the world learned that President Carter is beginning hospice care at home, rather than continuing to go back and forth to the local hospital. Hopefully, this proactive decision will enable him to maximize his time on earth with peace and comfort.
As they complete their final chapter, I can almost imagine him saying, “Not yet, Rosie. But soon!”
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
It’s dark outside, and today seems even darker than usual. And it should. Today there will be more darkness and less light than any other day of the year.
Desmond Tutu insisted, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
For those of us who live in the northern hemisphere, the shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, usually occurs on December 21. The solstice, which literally means “sun stood still,” officially marks the beginning of winter. More notably, with the shortest day also comes the longest period of darkness. The Earth’s axial tilt is at its furthest point from the sun, allowing the least amount of daylight to reach the earth.
While it may be merely coincidental that the darkest day arrives just a few days prior to our customary celebration of Christmas, from my experience as a pastor, I am aware that holidays can be dark days emotionally for many of us. While there are a variety of events, experiences, and emotions that cast dark shadows over our lives, some even bleak enough to obscure the joy of Christmas, a prominent culprit is grief.
Grief comes in many shapes and sizes. In the human experience, we grieve over the death of friends and loved ones. We grieve over deterioration of a marriage. We grieve over friction within the family. We grieve over the loss of a job. We grieve over war and other tragic events around the globe. At times we may even grieve over our diminishing health, the loss of our dreams, or the fading of opportunities.
Let me be quick to affirm that grieving is healthy if we are progressing through the grief process as opposed to becoming stuck in our grief. The Bible never tells us not to grieve, but it does counsel us not to grieve “as those who have no hope” (I Thessalonians 4:13).
Be aware that the empty chair at the Christmas dinner table, the Christmas card labeled “return to sender,” or the empty pillow on the other side of the bed can all trigger a seemingly overwhelming sense of darkness, loneliness, or grief.
Unprocessed grief is unhealthy and can lead to anger, depression, or even physical illness. During the holidays, rather than being overwhelmed by the darkness of grief, look your grief in the eye and call it by name. Don’t deny it or ignore it. And certainly don’t let grief dictate or dominate the mood or conversation of your holiday celebration.
I am convinced that because we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), our faith gives us the capacity to simultaneously experience the pangs of grief and “the peace of God, that transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Our faith does not exempt us from the darkness, but our faith does equip us to deal with our grief with deep-seated hope.
Hinting at what life will be like when the promised Messiah comes, Isaiah 9:2 envisions that, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”
Walk through the darkness with courage. Just don’t take up residence in the shadows. Grief does not have the final word. After the long night of darkness, then comes the light.
Don’t let the darkness eclipse the Light of Christmas.
(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
The incarnation is a baffling concept for veteran believers and neophytes. Martin Luther said, “The mystery of the humanity of Christ, that He sunk Himself into our flesh, is beyond all human understanding.”
One of my favorite passages to reflect on at Christmas is found in the first chapter of the gospel of John. In The Message, Eugene Peterson translates verse 14 like this: The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood (John 1:14a MSG). This earthy translation traces the incarnation to our front door.
Often overlooked as one of the biblical Christmas stories, the first chapter of John’s gospel describes the incarnation in philosophical prose. In contrast, Matthew and Luke composed nativity narratives which chronicle the birth story of Jesus. John, however, portrays Jesus as the Word who came to bring life and light to all who are willing to receive it (1:4). And now, over 2000 years later, this Light still guides our steps and this Life continues to infuse our existence with a sense of purpose and direction.
The gospel accounts are compiled from different vantage points. Just as Matthew’s gospel appeals to the historian and genealogist in us, and Luke’s gospel sings to the poet and musician inside of us, perhaps John’s gospel dialogues with the inquirer and logician within us.
John asserts that in the beginning of all things, the Word co-existed with God. Before order was brought out of chaos, the Word was with God. Before light emerged out of darkness, the Word was with God. Before the first breath exhaled through human nostrils, the Word was with God. The Word was, is, and always will be in sync with God.
The Greek term translated and personified as the Word is logos. Logos is a philosophical concept which can be translated as “ultimate meaning” or “reason for being.” During Christmas we may see or hear the familiar slogan that says, “Jesus is the reason for the season.” I think John is actually describing how this Word incarnate informs our reason for being.
According to John, the Word took on human form and moved into the neighborhood. In other words, God not only entered the world as a human being on our behalf, but God has strategically chosen to be near and accessible to us. In the incarnation, the God of the universe, who transcends our capacity to comprehend or control, has freely and lovingly chosen to relate to us in a personal way and to communicate with us in a language we can understand…an exemplary human life.
N. T. Wright insists, “If you want to know who God is, look at Jesus. If you want to know what it means to be human, look at Jesus. If you want to know what love is, look at Jesus. If you want to know what grief is, look at Jesus. And go on looking until you’re not just a spectator, but you’re actually part of the drama which has him as the central character.”
Remarkably, God not only invites us to receive light and life; God also calls us to be life and light wherever we live and wherever we go. As we follow the teachings of Jesus and emulate the example of Jesus, we become light and life in our community. As we serve God by serving others, especially the “least among us,” we too, mysteriously, become God’s hands and feet in our neighborhood.
According to John’s gospel, Jesus is God with a zip code. And those who follow Jesus are called to embody this good news wherever they find themselves.
(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in north Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)
Grief is challenging to deal with any time of the year, but during the holidays, grief can be deeper, darker, and more unpredictable. Why does grief seem to turn up the volume during the holiday season?
I think there are at least three reasons that grief is more amplified from Thanksgiving through Christmas. First, the nostalgia surrounding the holidays and other special occasions prompts us to recall memories more readily. Second, these events tend to frame the absence of our loved ones. For example, a chair that was occupied at the family table may be vacant this year. And third, we tend to be more emotive during the holidays. Our sensory capacity is thrust into high gear.
Richard Kauffman suggests, “There is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays. You are in complete control of your plans as to what you will do during this time of the year.”
Since grief is more pronounced during the holiday season, how can we find both comfort and joy? Too often our human tendency is to repress the grief under the guise of being strong. However, repressed grief becomes toxic and can lead to depression or illness. It’s better to confront grief head on. Here are ten helpful ways to navigate holiday grief:
Proactively prepare for holiday grief. Don’t avoid it or deny it. Engage it. The best therapy for grief is to grieve.
Do a soft re-set on your holiday traditions. Determine which traditions to keep and which to eliminate. And start at least one new tradition. Since grief has a way of reconfiguring life, relationships, and family, embrace the new configuration by beginning at least one new tradition.
Highlight a favorite event or experience of your loved one. Choose something that was a favorite food, game, song, or activity of your departed loved one, and find a way to highlight it during the holidays. For example, if they loved driving around to see Christmas lights, do it this year in memory of them. If they loved coconut cake, make one and have everyone try a bite.
Be creative in “work arounds.” Let’s say that Grandpa always read the Christmas story after dinner from his recliner. It may be too emotional for the family to have someone else read the Christmas story from Grandpa’s recliner. Consider having one or more of the grandchildren read the Christmas story before dinner around the dinner table.
Plan a strategic holiday memorial gift. If Grandma was in a mission group and supported the Christmas Mission Offering, plan for the family to each give a gift to the mission offering in her memory. If Grandpa served on the Properties Committee at church, consider a gift toward campus improvement in his memory. Plan the gift to correspond to one of the passions of your departed loved one.
Tell lots of stories. For years I’ve encouraged families to continue to treasure the memories and tell the stories. Stories are therapeutic, for sure. But they are also formational and nurturing. One reason genealogies are included in the Bible is because stories of our ancestors help shape our identities.
Write a letter to your departed loved one. In the letter tell them what you are feeling during the holidays. Then read the letter aloud as though the departed friend or family member is in the room with you. We think and we speak with different sides of the brain. To reflect, write, and then speak what you have written is healthier and more holistic than simply writing it down. It’s your choice whether to keep the letter confidential or to share it with other family members.
Continue the conversation. Most of us tend to continue an internal dialogue with our departed loved ones after they are gone. Sometimes it involves a gut-wrenching confession such as, “Daddy, there are so many things I wish I had told you.” Much of the time it is something as simple as, “I sure do miss you.” And of course, such a dialogue may include good humor such as, “The lights at the top of the tree have gone out again, and I suspect you may have had something to do with that.” It is important during the holidays to keep the conversation going, and maybe even rev it up a bit.
Designate moments for quiet and solitude. Be careful not to withdraw into a cocoon of isolation. But likewise, be careful not to bury your grief in a flurry of holiday events and activities.
Participate in holiday services at your church. Not everyone is ready to return to active participation in worship or a small group for the first week or two after a memorial service.Of course, things will be different when you return. But the longer you wait to re-engage, the tougher it will be to adjust to a new normal. Somehow, the music and message of Advent and Christmas invoke hope and courage. So, the holidays may be the best time to return to active participation.
Healthy expressions of grief include finding the right balance of tears and laughter, of connecting and disconnecting, and of lamentation and celebration.
And remember, not every member of the family grieves in the same way or at the same pace. Allow space for family members to grieve in their own way.
There’s no doubt the weight of grief can be heavier during the holidays. But the holidays also present great opportunities for finding positive and proactive ways to deal with your grief.
Dr. Alan Wolfelt cautions, “Don’t assume that your holidays will be totally miserable this year. Yes, if you are actively mourning, you will experience pain and sadness. But if you spend time in the company of people you love, you may also experience moments of great joy and hope.”
(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. Previously, he served as pastor of the First Baptist Church in Pensacola, Florida. Later he practiced as a pastoral counselor in Pensacola, Florida.)
Advent is a prime time for deepening or jumpstarting one’s devotional life. Devotional reading, contemplation, and prayer are disciplines that nurture our spiritual health in all seasons. And if you prefer to go “paperless” in your devotional reading there are many inspiring Advent resources available online.
When I was in high school the student ministry at my home church challenged us to begin the practice of a daily “quiet time.” Since those days my personal devotional time has nurtured and nourished my spiritual growth and development.
Across the years my quiet time emerged into an early morning discipline grounded inspirational reading, prayer, and meditation. My devotional life is enriched a variety of resources including classic devotionals, books by noted authors, and devotional reflections shared by church members.
A few years back, I decided to go “paperless” in my devotional time choosing to utilize online Bible apps and a variety of e-resources for my devotional time. Online resources are especially helpful during holiday travels because the resources can be accessed on any internet computer or digital device. Going paperless also keeps my desktop a lot less cluttered whether I am at home or in my office.
Most online devotional sites provide complimentary access, and the costs are covered through donations or advertising revenue. Additionally, like any digital communication, e-devotionals save paper and are friendly to the environment.
As I began preparing for Advent this year, I previewed a few good resources to share with others and to use in my own personal devotional time. I looked for resources that are easily accessible, theologically sound, and culturally relevant.
Like other online devotional resources, Advent E-Devotions may be created by churches, missional organizations, or individuals. A few of the devotional sites invite you to register your email address and they will send a daily devotional directly to your inbox. Other sites have corresponding “apps” that you can download making access easier on your mobile devices. And all online sites can be bookmarked or added to your favorites list for ease of access.
Here are a few examples of online Advent devotional options that you might find helpful:
Local churches often provide links to their Advent Devotional Booklets. Two good examples are from Vestavia Hills Baptist Church in Birmingham (http://www.vhbc.com/advent-at-vhbc) and First Baptist Pensacola (22-Advent-Devotional.pdf (squarespace.com). These booklets can usually be accessed as a PDF file, or downloaded to a tablet, Kindle, or E-reader.
D365.org is sponsored by Passport Camps and provides a daily Advent devotional that is appropriate for students or adults. (http://d365.org/)
Buckner International is a faith-based social service organization based in Dallas that serves hundreds of thousands of people each year across the United States and around the globe. Their Advent guide, written by assorted authors, can be downloaded at Advent starts today · Buckner International
Pittsburgh Theological Seminary provides an Advent Devotional W-Book written by members of the seminary community. This e-book offers a read option and an audio option, and can be downloaded at http://www.pts.edu/devotional_1.
Advent Conspiracy was founded on the radical idea that we can celebrate Christmas humbly, beautifully, and generously. The devotionals, written by a variety of pastors, are available at The Advent Conspiracy Movement Homepage.
McAfee School of Theology compiles Advent devotionals written by faculty, students, and alumni and they post them online at Advent | School of Theology (mercer.edu).
Sacred Space is an online prayer site provided by the Irish Jesuits. They provide a guided Advent devotional series and an Advent Retreat option at www.sacredspace.ie.
Whether you are new to the practice of a daily devotional experience or a long-time practitioner, you may discover that an Advent E-Devotion will enrich your preparation for Christmas and deepen your faith as you learn more about the life and teachings of Jesus.
(Barry Howard serves as pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches.)
A few years ago, my wife and I spotted this folk proverb on a sign hanging in one of our favorite Smoky Mountain restaurants: “Simple pleasures are life’s treasures.” It reminded me of an old tv commercial that proclaimed, “Life’s simple pleasures are the best.”
Whatever one’s station or mission in life, little blessings should never be taken for granted.
During this week designated to remind us to count our blessings, I will certainly be giving thanks for faith, family, friends, and freedom. But there are a few things that popped up in my gratitude inventory that some folks might label as minor blessings. For me, however, they are a big deal. Some are simple pleasures, others are personal preferences, and a few are stress relievers.
These twelve represent a longer list of blessings that add richness and meaning to life, simple gifts that I never want to take for granted:
A hot cup of coffee on a cold November morning.
A multi-colored sunrise over the Blue Ridge Mountain or an autumn sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.
Snuggly hugs from nieces and nephews, both young and old.
A timely phone call from a friend.
Artwork given to me by a child.
Immersing myself in a good book…a novel, a biography, or a little theology.
Home-made cards or hand-written notes of encouragement.
A song emanating from my soul.
A refreshing Sunday afternoon nap.
An occasional walk between 18 holes.
The freedom to gather with others to worship.
The honor of walking alongside others through all the seasons of life, including dedicating, encouraging, baptizing, marrying, and even eulogizing a few of them.
This week as we give thanks for the big things, let us also take time to give thanks for the simple things that bring joy, fulfillment, and affirmation to our lives.
Paulo Coelho, popular author of The Alchemist, insists, “The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”
What would you include on your list of simple blessings?
Cove Creek Reflections 