Tag: friends

Learning to Live Well Together: 5 Ways We Can Build Each Other Up

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

In case you haven’t noticed, there is a universal temptation for human beings to tear one another down rather than to build one another up. It is based on the false notion that to diminish someone else’s character or credibility elevates my own. This is not a new thing. It goes back centuries.

As the apostle Paul closes his second letter to the Corinthians, he continues a theme prevalent in his previous correspondence by urging them to “encourage one another and build each other up” (I Thessalonians 5:11). Eugene Peterson captures Paul’s pastoral intent with refreshing clarity: “Put things in order, keep your spirits up, think in harmony, be agreeable… and the God of love and peace will be with you” (II Corinthians 13:11-14).These are not lofty theological abstractions. They are practical, everyday practices for communities that want to live well together.

Churches then, and now, are made up of imperfect people learning how to follow Christ side by side. Paul’s words offer spiritual guidance that is relevant to churches, communities, businesses, and even nations. Here are five practices drawn from this passage that help us to build each other up:

  • Put things in order.

Spiritual health begins with honest self-examination. Paul’s call to “put things in order” invites us to take responsibility for our lives and relationships. This is not about perfection, but continually re-tuning or recalibrating our faith, values, and priorities. It’s about asking what needs attention, repair, or repentance.

The early Christian communities practiced regular confession, not to shame believers, but to restore fellowship. A wise teacher observed, “The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.” Healthy communities are willing to name what is broken so healing can begin.

Whether it’s addressing unresolved conflict, clarifying expectations, or setting healthier boundaries, aligning our lives with Jesus’ teachings creates space for growth, maturity, and wise living.

  • Keep your spirits up.

One translation says, “Be of good cheer.”  Paul knows discouragement can drain a community’s life. “Keep your spirits up” is not a denial of difficulty or naivete about the unfairness of life. Keeping a positive spirit involves an intentional choice to nurture hope, especially in the most difficult seasons of life.

During World War II, Londoners famously painted signs in bomb shelters reading, “Keep Calm and Carry On.” The message did not minimize danger, but it did remind people how to endure it. Encouragement works the same way in life. It keeps us steady when circumstances are hard.

As theologian Henri Nouwen wrote, “Encouragement is the ability to see hope in the other person.” A timely word of affirmation, a handwritten note, or a prayer offered at the right moment can sustain a weary soul and strengthen the whole community.

  • Think in harmony.

Paul’s counsel to “think in harmony” does not require uniform opinions. Harmony is not sameness. Harmony is shared commitment. Like voices in a choir, different parts blend together without losing their distinctiveness.

The early church debated vigorously about Gentiles, food laws, and leadership, but they learned to stay at the table together. Unity was preserved not by avoiding disagreement, but by practicing love within it.

Harmony grows when we listen more than we speak, when we seek understanding before we register our perspective, and when we remember that relationships matter more than winning arguments.

  • Be agreeable and live in peace.

“Be agreeable” may sound countercultural in an age that rewards outrage. Being agreeable does not mean we agree on everything. It means that we start with the things we agree on, and we work toward solutions on the things we don’t agree on.

Paul reminds us that peacemaking is a spiritual discipline. Abraham Lincoln once said, “I don’t like that man. I must get to know him better.” That posture reflects spiritual maturity. And it is only possible when we choose curiosity over contempt, and we opt for acquaintance rather than accusation.

Peace does not mean avoiding hard conversations. It means entering them with humility and grace. Ask not only, “Am I right?” but also, “Am I loving?” Peace flourishes when people feel heard, respected, and valued.

  • Practice kindness.

Paul encourages believers to greet one another warmly, which serves as a reminder that faith is embodied. Small gestures carry spiritual weight.

Simple acts of hospitality have a unique way of building others up. When a greeter remembers a name, when we share a meal at a common table, or when we do a quiet check-in with another person during a turbulent week, these actions preach sermons no words can replace.

As Maya Angelou wisely observed, “People will never forget how you made them feel.” Kindness is not peripheral to faith. It’s no wonder that Jesus urged his followers to “be kind,” for kindness it is one of faith’s most powerful expressions.

Paul ends with a benediction that frames daily life: “The amazing grace of the Master, Jesus Christ, the extravagant love of God, and the intimate friendship of the Holy Spirit be with you all.” Grace grounds us, love galvanizes us, and the Spirit guides us.

We need a revival of “living well together.” It’s not complicated. And it’s much better for our spiritual health, physical health, and mental health than treating other children of God as our evil adversaries. When communities practice alignment, encouragement, harmony, peace, and kindness, they communicate the love and grace God intends for every person.

And in a fractured world, that witness matters more than ever.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who currently serves as a leadership coach and consultant with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife live on Cove Lake in northeast Alabama.)

(This column is based on a sermon I preached at the First Baptist Church of Corbin, Kentucky, in February 2003.)

“The Gift of Friendship: Blessed Be the Tie That Binds”

On By barrysnotes1 Comment

What in the world would we do without friends?

Trusted and treasured friendships bring both joy and stability to life’s adventures. Mark Twain humorously quipped, “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” While not all relationships are deep or lasting, the bonds of true friendship have a way of grounding us, enriching our experiences, and helping us navigate life’s ups and downs.

Some people remain mere acquaintances, while others—often unexpectedly—become dear friends. The ancient wisdom of Proverbs 18:24 (as rendered in The Message) acknowledges this reality: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Friendship is not just about shared interests or proximity; it’s about commitment, loyalty, and a willingness to walk alongside one another through all seasons of life.

C. Raymond Beran offers a poignant description of friendship:

Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you… Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you… You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all—and underneath—they see, know, and love you.

In a world where competition and self-interest often dominate, how do we develop and sustain meaningful friendships? The answer lies in grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance. True friendship requires intentionality—it may be a gift from God, but it must be proactively cultivated and nurtured.

Churches, at their best, are built not just on faith but also on friendship. A congregation is a diverse collection of people from different backgrounds who stand together in tough times, who challenge and inspire one another, and who—despite their differences—unite in a shared faith and mission. Perhaps the Quakers had it right when they named their faith community “The Society of Friends.”

Friendship is durable. It binds our hearts and minds in a way that bridges theological differences, rises above political disagreements, and weathers the hardships of life.

As we move forward, let us cherish the friendships we have and remain open to forming new ones. Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, “So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.” Indeed, friendship has a way of affirming our worth and purpose.

E.C. McKenzie insightfully noted, “Some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble.” While friendships may require effort, vulnerability, and sometimes even forgiveness, they are undeniably worth it. After all, life is richer when shared with those who remind us of our song—even when we forget the words.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who serves as a leadership coach and consultant with the Center for Healthy Churches.)