Tag: thanksgiving

7 Ways to Minimize Family Drama at Your Thanksgiving Gathering (Or at Least Contain It to Manageable Levels)

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

Over the years, I have observed that family gatherings during the holidays, especially at Thanksgiving, can be a great opportunity for the family to visit, share highlights of the previous year, and to enjoy a delicious meal. But I have also noted that such occasions can serve as a potential theatre for family drama.

Thanksgiving can be a glorious blend of turkey, dressing, sweet potato casserole, and pecan pie. But Turkey Day can also serve as the annual reminder that every family has at least one person who stirs the pot—literally and figuratively. If your family gatherings resemble a cross between a Norman Rockwell painting and Family Feud, this list is for you.

Here are 7 ways to minimize family drama at Thanksgiving,or at least keep it to the level that doesn’t require professional referees or emergency pie rations:

1. Strategically assign seating like you are planning the Geneva Convention.

Whether your family includes the nephew who loves to “just play devil’s advocate,” or the sister who lives up north and believes every conversation is a debate tournament, strategic seating is essential.

  • Put peaceful people together.
  • Put calmer personalities in the middle
  • Seat the jokester between potentially rival factions.

This is a diplomatic summit, and not just dinner. Think of your table like a diplomatic summit. Your mission is to prevent World War III between those who prefer gravy and those who opt for cranberry sauce.

2. Declare a pre-meal politics ban.

Make a gentle announcement: “Friends, family, and beloved relatives who may or may not test my sanctification… this is a politics-free zone.”

If someone starts drifting in that direction, have a few pre-approved diversion lines ready:

  • “Speaking of election results, did anyone bring dessert?”
  • “Fascinating—pass the gravy!”
  • “Let’s save that conversation for Arbor Day.”

If diversions fail, distract with pie. Pie always wins.

3. Give everyone a job—preferably a safe one.

Idle hands are the playground of unnecessary opinions. Assign tasks.

  • The person who can’t cook? Napkin duty.
  • The one who always shows up late? Butter the rolls—they may still be warm.
  • The family perfectionist? Organize the drink station. And let them color-coordinate to their heart’s content.

A busy family is a calm family.

4. Preemptively hide the board games that cause trouble.

Every family has that game. You know the one.

  • Monopoly: ruins relationships.
  • Phase 10: awakens competitive spirits not seen since the Colosseum in Ancient Rome.
  • Uno: historically responsible for more wars than Europe.

This year, choose something cooperative, like a puzzle. Or a walk. Or staring peacefully at the wall.

5. Establish a “drama-free zone” table rule.

It can be a simple set of guidelines.

  • No gossip.
  • No passive-aggressive comments.
  • No discussing who is “still single,” “still unemployed,” “still gluten-free,’ “still unwed,” or “still without child.”
  • No family wagers on which school Lane Kiffin is going to.

The turkey deserves better than that.

6. Prepare preemptive conversation starters.

Keep a short list of prompting, harmless questions on standby:

  • “What’s one thing you’re thankful for this year?”
  • “What’s a favorite Thanksgiving memory?”
  • “What is the best book, movie, or TV show you’ve enjoyed this year?

These are mostly safe questions.

7. Have at least three emergency exit lines ready.

You’re not fleeing the family—you’re strategically preserving your sanity.

Try:

  • “Excuse me, I think the sweet potatoes are calling my name.”
  • “Hold that thought—I need to check the oven.”
  • “Did someone hear a knock at the door? Let me double-check.”

Gracefully step away. Return with pie.

For almost every family, Thanksgiving gatherings are a blend of gratitude and quirks, tradition and chaos, sweetness and spice, and not just on the dessert table. Family drama may not disappear entirely, but with humor, grace, and a few strategic decisions, you can minimize the meltdowns and maximize the moments worth remembering.

And if all else fails, just keep passing the rolls. People have a hard time arguing when their mouths are full.

Gratitude Can Upgrade Your Attitude

On By barrysnotesLeave a comment

Do you need an attitude adjustment? As we navigate the uncertainty and anxiety of living in a polarized culture, it is possible for our attitude to get so significantly out of alignment with our faith and values that we need more than an attitude adjustment. We may need an extreme makeover.

Gratitude is more than a polite habit or a holiday theme—it is a transformative force that recalibrates the way we see the world. As the poet Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, “Cultivate the habit of being grateful for every good thing that comes to you, and give thanks continuously.” Gratitude doesn’t just decorate life; it upgrades it.

Think about the way our smart devices regularly ask for software updates. Whether we accept them or avoid them, those updates are designed to stabilize the system, fix hidden issues, and improve overall performance. In a similar way, practicing gratitude is like installing an internal “attitude update.” It doesn’t change all our circumstances, but it changes the way we engage them. Gratitude strengthens the emotional operating system that carries us through the day.

During the dark winter at Valley Forge in 1777, General George Washington encouraged his weary troops not simply by calling them to endure hardship, but by helping them reflect on what they were fighting for. That shift—from hardship to meaning—sparked renewed resolve. Gratitude for a higher purpose sustained them when supplies were limited and conditions were brutal. Their circumstances didn’t change overnight, but their attitude toward them did.

Modern psychology confirms what wisdom and faith traditions have taught for centuries. In his groundbreaking research at the University of California–Davis, Dr. Robert Emmons found that individuals who practice gratitude—especially through habits like journaling—experience noticeable emotional, physical, and relational benefits. Participants who regularly reflected on what they were thankful for reported fewer illness symptoms, increased optimism, stronger immune responses, and greater overall life satisfaction. Gratitude, in other words, literally upgrades the mind and body.

Gratitude can totally reshape our attitude.

Even in the daily grind, we see gratitude driving resilience. A young professional recently shared how her morning practice of listing three things she was thankful for—even on difficult days—helped her push through burnout, manage workplace stress, and regain clarity in her relationships. She said, “I didn’t change my job. Gratitude changed me.”

Gratitude does not deny hardships, erase grief, or eliminate challenges. But it reframes our experience of them. It shifts our focus from what is missing to what is present, from scarcity to abundance, from complaint to contentment. And over time, it transforms us—quietly, steadily, faithfully—from the inside out.

With good reason, Scripture encourages us to “give thanks in all circumstances.” Gratitude is not merely a mood. It is a spiritual discipline, a psychological booster, and a daily choice that enriches our lives far beyond the holiday table.

When we practice gratitude consistently, we don’t just feel better—we become better. A more enjoyable friend. A more appreciated colleague. A more pleasant neighbor. A better human being.

Years ago, at a Baptist Student Union event, minister and humorist, Grady Nutt, challenged us to live with “an attitude of gratitude.” At that time, I began to see the correlation between attitude and gratitude.

Now, across several years of serving as a pastor, I have observed firsthand the transformative impact of gratitude.

Is your attitude due for an upgrade?