“The Gift of Friendship: Blessed Be the Tie That Binds”

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What in the world would we do without friends?

Trusted and treasured friendships bring both joy and stability to life’s adventures. Mark Twain humorously quipped, “Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.” While not all relationships are deep or lasting, the bonds of true friendship have a way of grounding us, enriching our experiences, and helping us navigate life’s ups and downs.

Some people remain mere acquaintances, while others—often unexpectedly—become dear friends. The ancient wisdom of Proverbs 18:24 (as rendered in The Message) acknowledges this reality: “Friends come and friends go, but a true friend sticks by you like family.” Friendship is not just about shared interests or proximity; it’s about commitment, loyalty, and a willingness to walk alongside one another through all seasons of life.

C. Raymond Beran offers a poignant description of friendship:

Friends are people with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with them. They ask you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. They do not want you to be better or worse. When you are with them, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, as long as it is genuinely you… Friends understand those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you… You can weep with them, sing with them, laugh with them, pray with them. Through it all—and underneath—they see, know, and love you.

In a world where competition and self-interest often dominate, how do we develop and sustain meaningful friendships? The answer lies in grace, mercy, patience, and perseverance. True friendship requires intentionality—it may be a gift from God, but it must be proactively cultivated and nurtured.

Churches, at their best, are built not just on faith but also on friendship. A congregation is a diverse collection of people from different backgrounds who stand together in tough times, who challenge and inspire one another, and who—despite their differences—unite in a shared faith and mission. Perhaps the Quakers had it right when they named their faith community “The Society of Friends.”

Friendship is durable. It binds our hearts and minds in a way that bridges theological differences, rises above political disagreements, and weathers the hardships of life.

As we move forward, let us cherish the friendships we have and remain open to forming new ones. Robert Louis Stevenson once wrote, “So long as we are loved by others, I would almost say that we are indispensable; and no man is useless while he has a friend.” Indeed, friendship has a way of affirming our worth and purpose.

E.C. McKenzie insightfully noted, “Some people make enemies instead of friends because it is less trouble.” While friendships may require effort, vulnerability, and sometimes even forgiveness, they are undeniably worth it. After all, life is richer when shared with those who remind us of our song—even when we forget the words.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who serves as a leadership coach and consultant with the Center for Healthy Churches.)

I Think I Will Give Up Worry for Lent!

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(Revised from 2020)

This year, I think I’ll give up worry for Lent.

Yesterday, I watched news footage from the Fat Tuesday celebrations in New Orleans—a day when many indulge in gluttonous feasting and revelry. Today is Ash Wednesday, marking the beginning of the season of Lent, a time of intentional preparation for Easter. During this sacred season, believers focus on self-examination, reflection, and repentance.

Traditionally, Christians choose to give up something significant to them during Lent. I have friends who forego their favorite indulgences—chocolate, coffee, sugar, or soft drinks—as a form of spiritual discipline. But since I seem to have a genetic predisposition to worry, I think I’ll try giving that up instead—for at least 40 days.

The Burden of Worry

I don’t actually like to worry. In fact, I know it’s not constructive. Worry is like spam or junk mail—it clutters my mind, taking up valuable space needed for creative thinking, planning, visioning, and problem-solving. I function far better when I’m not weighed down by excessive worry.

And yet, worry is persistent. Each time I try to kick it out the front door of my mind, it sneaks around and slips back in through the back.

Years ago, a friend of mine had a giant poster mounted above his desk that read:

“Don’t tell me worry doesn’t help. Half the things I worry about never happen.”

Erma Bombeck humorously captured the futility of worry when she said, “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”

An Inherited Habit?

I sometimes wonder if worry can be inherited. I watched the wear and tear of worry in my parents and grandparents and have noticed that many of their offspring—including me—struggle with this same mental distraction.

And I’m not alone. Over coffee, I’ve listened to CEOs, ministers, business owners, attorneys, physicians, and educators share their struggles with worry. It’s no surprise—there’s always something to be anxious about:

  • Our businesses
  • Our families
  • Our investments
  • Terrorism
  • The economy
  • Political turmoil
  • Wars and rumors of wars
  • Friends losing their jobs
  • Health concerns
  • The future…

The list seems endless.

A Better Way

Perhaps I’m not the only one who should give up worry for Lent. Since this is a season of intentional preparation for Easter, maybe we should all listen again to the words of Jesus:

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?” — Matthew 6:25-27

As we begin our Lenten journey, I’m trying to give up worry for at least 40 days. Maybe—hopefully—even longer.

Would you like to join me?

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who currently serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife reside on Cove Lake in northeast Alabama.)

What Is Lent and Why Do We Observe It?

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Each year, as winter begins to fade and the hope of spring draws near, the Christian calendar marks a sacred season: Lent. But what exactly is Lent? Lent is a 40-day season of reflection, repentance, and preparation leading up to Easter. It begins on Ash Wednesday and ends on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter Sunday. Traditionally observed by many Christian faith communities, Lent is a time for spiritual self-evaluation, often marked by prayer, fasting, and acts of charity.

What is the purpose of Lent? Pope Francis suggests, “Lent comes providentially to awaken us, to shake us from our lethargy.”

Lent is a deeply personal and spiritual journey. It is a time set apart to reflect, reevaluate, repent, refrain, and refocus.

Lent is a time to reflect. Life moves fast, and it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day without pausing to consider where we are spiritually. Lent provides a unique opportunity to slow down and reflect. It invites us to ask, How is my relationship with God? Where are my priorities? Is my lifestyle consistent with my faith? Through reflection, we gain clarity about our faith and recognize areas where we need growth.

Lent is a time to reevaluate. In the stillness of reflection, we are led to reevaluate our priorities. The world constantly pulls us in different directions, often distracting us from what truly matters. Lent challenges us to examine our choices, our commitments, and our daily habits. Are we devoting our time and energy to things that nourish our souls? Are we living in a way that aligns with God’s purpose for our lives? This season gives us the space to make adjustments and realign our lives with His purposes.

Lent is a time to repent. At the heart of Lent is repentance—a turning away from sin and a turning toward God. It is a time to be honest about our shortcomings, not with shame, but with a desire for transformation. Scripture reminds us, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord” (Acts 3:19). Repentance is not about dwelling on our failures; it is about embracing God’s grace and asking God to renew our hearts.

Lent is a time to refrain. One of the most well-known Lenten practices is fasting—giving up something as a way of drawing closer to God. Whether it’s food, social media, entertainment, or another comfort, fasting teaches us discipline and dependence on God rather than earthly things. Refraining is not just about sacrifice; it’s about making space for something greater. When we let go of distractions, we create room for God’s presence to fill our lives in new ways. As we think about the things we might give up for Lent, Amanda Jobs reminds us, “It is not just about giving up our favorite food but it’s about going further and giving up things like hatred and unforgiveness.”

Lent is a time to refocus. Ultimately, Lent is about refocusing our hearts and minds on Christ. It is a season to strip away what is unnecessary and center our lives on what truly matters. As we journey through these 40 days, we prepare ourselves to embrace the joy and victory of the resurrection. By shifting our focus from the temporary to the eternal, we deepen our faith and draw closer to the one who teaches us how to “act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with God” (Micah 6:8).

The faithful observance of Lent can be both uncomfortable and hopeful. Kate Bowler cautions, “Lent is full of hard truths. And it is a perfect moment for spiritual honesty. We can look on this tragicomedy with love and bemusement as we wait for the someday that will be God’s promised future.”

Lent is not about obligation—it is an invitation. An invitation to reflect, to reevaluate, to repent, to refrain, and to refocus. It is a journey that leads us deeper into God’s love and prepares us for a more meaningful celebration of Christ’s resurrection.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who currently serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife reside on Cove Lake in northeast Alabama.)

Press On! Navigating Life and Faith During Challenging Seasons

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Have you ever just wanted to give up? Will Rogers quipped, “The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” 

A few years ago, after several consecutive days of conversations with friends and fellow church members who felt their world was unraveling, I sensed the weight of the many concerns entrusted to me. As is my pastoral practice, I withdrew to my study to pray, reflect, and seek wisdom for those navigating difficult seasons.

Many members of my community had suffered from the destruction of property due to storms, the loss of business due to an oil spill, the loss of family members due to a tragedy, or the loss of hope due to a toxic political divisiveness.

While I was honored to listen to their stories—privately and confidentially—I found myself wishing I could gather all of them in the same room and say, “You are not alone. Others in this room are also struggling. You can help each other through this.” And most of all, “In the toughest moments, do not give up. Press on!”

Since I could not bring such a group together, I recorded in my journal the words I wished I could say to them, weaving in real-life dilemmas shared with me (anonymously, of course). The following Sunday, I included those words at the end of my sermon and later shared them in our church newsletter.

Now, we find ourselves in another season where hardship weighs heavily on many, both in our community and around the world. Once again, I feel a deep, cumulative heaviness in my soul. As I lift these concerns in prayer, I realize that the struggles that send us into emotional or spiritual tailspins haven’t changed much. Life is still challenging. Storms still come. Divisiveness still threatens to undo us. Fear and anxiety continue to creep in.

But in every hardship and every circumstance, we are called to press on—with patience, perseverance, and faith.

The words I shared then are still as relevant today as they were years ago. May they encourage you in your journey:

Life is a fragile gift—often unfair, frequently unpredictable, and mostly uphill.
The journey requires faith, courage, and determination.
There will be moments when your commitment is tested and your motivation wavers.

When you are tempted to give up or give in—press on!
When life throws you a curveball and the unexpected happens—press on!
When you are weighed down by sadness or battling deep depression—press on!
When frustration rises because of the incompetence of a neighbor or colleague—press on!
When you stand at the foot of the mountain, facing the long climb of recovery—press on!
When you begin a treatment regimen that weakens your body but must strengthen your health—press on!
When exhaustion settles in, and you are tired of being tired—press on!
When your friends are difficult to deal with, or your family is hard to live with—press on!
When you move to a new town or start at a new school, feeling like a stranger—press on!
When loneliness lingers, even in a crowd—press on!
When the news is filled with gloom and doom—press on!
When your workplace is dominated by chaos or conflict—press on!
When you are tempted to settle for mediocrity or risk losing your integrity—press on!
When death or disease takes away someone you love, in the power of the Spirit—press on!
When life gets turned upside down, steady your nerve and stay the course—press on!

Circumstances can change quickly and none of us are exempt. The Apostle Paul reminds us in Philippians 3:14, “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Maya Angelou counseled, “You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. Please remember that your difficulties do not define you. They simply strengthen your ability to overcome.”

LL Cool J advises, “When adversity strikes, that’s when you have to be the most calm, take a step back, stay strong, stay grounded and press on.”

Pressing on doesn’t mean ignoring the pain or pretending everything is fine. It means choosing to keep moving, even when the path is difficult. It means holding onto faith when answers seem distant, leaning on the strength of God when our own runs out, and trusting that even the hardest seasons can be navigated with wisdom and courage.

No matter what you face today, know this: You are not alone. The valley will not last forever.

So take a deep breath, lift your head, and press on!

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife reside on Cove Lake in northeast Alabama.)

Handle with Care: Sometimes the Labels Don’t Match the Contents

On By barrysnotes1 Comment

Many years ago, Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the influential pastor from England, preached, “Don’t rely too much on labels, for too often they are fables.”

These days we are wise to remember his warning. Labels are often misleading.

My wife, a true child of the South, loves sweet tea. I, on the other hand, prefer mine unsweetened with a slice of lime or lemon.

At least twice recently, while dining out, our server refilled my wife’s sweet tea glass with unsweetened tea. In both cases, when we pointed it out, the server confidently assured us that the label on the pitcher clearly said “sweet tea.” We suggested that somewhere along the way someone had mistakenly poured the wrong tea into the labeled pitcher.

Both times, the servers were visibly surprised. They had placed complete trust in the label without ever verifying the contents.

In the days that followed, I couldn’t shake that moment. I started noticing how often things are mislabeled—and even more concerning, how frequently people assign misleading or limiting labels to others.

A few years ago as we were preparing to move, we spent weeks sorting, decluttering, and packing. As I was cleaning out a junk box, I came across an old Dymo Label Maker—the kind that embosses letters onto colored plastic tape. I hadn’t used one in years, but just holding it brought back memories of labeling school lunch boxes, storage bins, and light switches.

That little device got me thinking about the way we use labels, not just on objects, but on people. Labels serve a purpose when they help us organize or identify things. But when applied to people, they can be limiting, misleading, and even harmful.

If we’re not careful, we can end up trusting the labels we’ve assigned—or received—without ever questioning whether they truly reflect what’s inside. In the current environment, labels can prompt us to dismiss or oppose certain people simply because of the tag we or others have assigned to them.

Here are a few best practices for using labels—both from my Dymo Label Maker and from life:

  • Label things, not people. As author Philip Pullman once said, “People are too complicated to have simple labels.” No single word or phrase can fully capture someone’s identity, character, or journey.

  • Only label your own stuff. When packing, we didn’t let the moving company decide which box was labeled “books” and which one was marked “kitchenware.” In the same way, we should be cautious about the labels others assign. People should define their own identities, rather than having them imposed by someone else.

  • The contents define the label, not the other way around. Just because a pitcher is labeled “sweet tea” doesn’t mean it contains sweet tea. Likewise, a person’s true character, values, and actions should be what defines them—not the assumptions of others.

  • Old labels don’t always apply. Some of our moving boxes were marked “Christmas decorations” from a previous move, but we repurposed them to store dishes. In life, people grow, change, and evolve. The labels of the past may no longer be accurate.

  • Labels don’t always stick. The adhesive on most labels is temporary. Likewise, the labels we give or receive—whether negative or positive—don’t have to define us forever.

  • Labels can be used to intentionally mislead. If you own valuable jewelry, storing it in a box labeled “Expensive Jewelry” isn’t a wise move. You may choose to write “Hand-me-downs” or such to throw off any robbers or thieves. In a more manipulative way, political, religious, and social labels can be used to misrepresent or mislead others—sometimes intentionally, sometimes carelessly. Some ruthless leaders attach labels to opponents as a way of attacking them, a deceitful ploy to keep the public from knowing the treasure inside.

  • Jesus defied labels, and maybe we should too. Throughout his ministry, Jesus refused to be confined by political, cultural, or religious labels. He welcomed sinners, dined with tax collectors, and challenged the status quo. Instead of trying to fit into a particular category, perhaps our goal should be to live so faithfully that our actions speak for themselves.

In a polarized culture, those from both extremes tend to label others according to their own biases rather than to reflect the character of the one being labeled. Labeling others is often an expression of our naivete. Adam Jones cautions, “I think putting labels on people is just an easy way of marketing something you don’t understand.”

In our house, after some debate, we decided to part ways with our old Dymo Label Maker. In this season of life, we’re striving to use fewer labels, not more of them.

And maybe, just maybe, the world would be a better place if we all used fewer labels—and handled the ones we do apply with extreme care

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who currently serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife live on Cove Creek in northeast Alabama.)

Reading Sharpens the Mind and Nourishes the Soul

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Joseph Addison contends, “Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”

For me, reading has become a crucial life discipline—one that sharpens the mind and nourishes the soul. Each year, I intentionally select a variety of books—fiction and nonfiction—to complement my study of Scripture, theology, and devotional literature. This habit has not only deepened my understanding but has also kept my mind engaged, my creativity alive, and my spirit refreshed.

Reading brings mental focus in an age of distraction. We live in an era of constant digital stimulation. With screens at our fingertips, it’s easy to settle for passive entertainment—whether through television, social media, or endless scrolling. But merely watching does not stretch or challenge the great mental muscle that God has given us. Reading, on the other hand, requires active engagement. It forces us to think, process, reflect, and imagine in ways that visual media rarely can.

In Luke 10:27, Jesus commands us to love God with all our heart, soul, strength, and mind. To love God with our minds means keeping them sharp, alert, and active—not allowing them to grow dull through neglect.

An inquiring mind needs nourishment. I have noticed a direct correlation between my reading habits and my mental sharpness. During seasons when my schedule interrupts my regular reading routine, I can feel my mind becoming “hungry”—undernourished and sluggish. When I neglect reading, my memory weakens, my creativity fades, and my ability to think deeply diminishes. But when I prioritize time for study and reading, I find that my mind is sharper, my memory is stronger, and my ability to teach and preach is far more effective.

Acquiring a love for reading can be a journey. I wasn’t always a disciplined reader. In high school, working an after-school job left me with little time for required reading, so I often relied on summaries rather than diving into the books themselves. It wasn’t until midway through my university years that I truly discovered the joy of reading. An English professor encouraged me to read multiple books at once, engaging with them as if I were in conversation with different voices and perspectives. This approach transformed my reading habits, and to this day, I often find myself reading several books alternately until I’ve completed them.

For me, reading is a spiritual discipline. For those aiming to grow deeper in their faith, reading should be considered more than just a pastime—it should be recognized as a spiritual discipline. Alongside prayer, Bible study, meditation, worship, and stewardship, reading enriches the soul by expanding our understanding of God’s world and the people in it.

Engaging with a wide variety of genres—novels, biographies, history, poetry, and theological works—broadens our perspective, deepens our wisdom, and helps us see the world through different lenses. Reading cultivates empathy, insight, and a greater appreciation for the richness of God’s creation.

Reading contributes to a healthy life. Several key disciplines contribute to my physical, spiritual, and emotional health:

  • My prayer and devotional life
  • A balanced diet and regular exercise
  • Meaningful time spent with friends and family
  • And, just as important—the ongoing discipline of reading

Reading is not just an academic exercise—it is a lifelong habit that strengthens the mind and enriches the soul. It feeds our intellect, fuels our imagination, and fortifies our faith.

I concur with Holbrook Jackson who reminds us, “ Never put off till tomorrow the book you can read today.”

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who now serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches.)

From the “Octopus” to the “Not-So-Secret Secret”: 25 Books I Plan to Read in 2025

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A wise person once observed, “We lose ourselves in books. We find ourselves there too.” Some people live to read. I think I read to live. Embarking on a journey through an engaging book is a soul-nurturing, mind-stretching adventure.

My appreciation for reading was slow to develop. But when it emerged, it surged. As a teenager, I perceived reading to be a nuisance and somewhat of a necessary evil to attain decent grades in school. However, at some point early in my college experience, I learned to value the gift of reading, not just for assignments or entertainment, but for personal growth and development.

As a pastor, I needed to read widely to stay current and to speak with fresh relevance on a variety of topics. Now that I am retired, I need books like I need food, to satisfy my cognitive hunger and to probe intellectual curiosity. Books stimulate my thinking, exercise my memory muscles, and challenge my presuppositions. They keep me hono

Once again this year, my reading list will include a variety of genres including fiction, spirituality, theology, history, and biography. Typically, I keep from three to five books going at the same time, a practice that was recommended by Opal Lovett, one of the most influential faculty members at Jacksonville State from my college years. This approach invites a panel of authors to be conversation partners in my internal dialogue.

I also intentionally read books I don’t agree with. Rather than making me combative, the practice of reading opposing viewpoints challenges me to test my assumptions and it familiarizes me with a variety of perspectives. This discipline equips me to converse and debate intelligibly, and not just emotively.

Here are 25 books I plan to read in 2025:

Fiction & Thrillers:

  1. Strangers in Time– David Baldacci
  2. Think Twice- Harlan Coben
  3. The Waiting– Michael Connelly
  4. The President’s Shadow- James Patterson
  5. The Life Cycle of the Common Octopus- Emma Knight

Spirituality & Theology:

  1. God Has a Name: What You Believe About God Will Shape Who You Become– John Mark Comer
  2. The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage– Richard Rohr
  3. The Word of a Humble God: The Origins, Inspiration, and Interpretation of Scripture- Karen Keen
  4. De-sizing the Church: How Growth Became a Science, Then an Obsession, and What’s Next- Karl Vaters
  5.  The Widening of God’s Mercy- Christopher Hays and Richard Hays

Personal Growth & Leadership:

  1. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are– Brené Browne
  2. Steps: A Guide to Transforming Your Life When Willpower Isn’t Enough- John Ortberg
  3. Culture Is the Way: How Leaders at Every Level Build an Organization for Speed, Impact, and Excellence- Matt Mayberry
  4. Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership: Seeking God in the Crucible of Ministry- Ruth Haley Barton
  5. Wrestling with Doubt, Finding Faith- Adam Hamilton

Memoirs & Essays:

  1. Hope: The Autobiography- Pope Francis
  2. Dusk, Night, Dawn: On Revival and Courage– Anne Lamott
  3. Democracy Awakening: Notes on the State of America- Heather Cox Richardson
  4. I Guess I Haven’t Learned That Yet– Shauna Niequist
  5. The Most They Ever Had- Rick Bragg

Church & Ministry:

  1. The American Religious Landscape: Facts, Trends, and the Future- Ryan P. Burge
  2. Reappearing Church: The Hope for Renewal in the Rise of our Post-Christian Culture- Mark Sayers
  3. Creating Healthy Church Systems- Brad Ransom
  4. The (Not-So-Secret) Secret to Reaching the Next Generation– Kevin DeYoung
  5. How to Lead When You Don’t Know Where You’re Going– Susan Beaumont

Life would not be as rich without a treasure trove of books. Regarding the importance of reading, I identify with Anne Lamott who said, “For some of us, books are as important as almost anything else on earth. What a miracle it is that out of these small, flat, rigid squares of paper unfolds world after world after world, worlds that sing to you, comfort and quiet or excite you. Books help us understand who we are and how we are to behave. They show us what community and friendship mean; they show us how to live and die.”

I hope the books you choose to read in 2025 enrich your life and enlarge your world!

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who now serves as a columnist and leadership coach with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife live on Cove Creek in northeast Alabama.)

Reflections on Turning 65: 10 Things I Am Still Learning About Life

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Today I turn 65 years old, and I’m proud of it. Kevan Manwaring suggests, “A birthday is a time to reflect, to take stock and to look ahead.”

Ms. Bertha Boozer, our long-time neighbor in the Williams Community who lived to be 107, always told me, “I don’t understand my friends who complain when they have a birthday. Do they not understand the alternative?” Then she added, “I think every birthday is a blessing.” Amen to that!

I’ve enjoyed most of my birthdays. This year, however, as I celebrate 65 years of life, it feels a little different, a little more contemplative, a little more like a shifting of gears. At age 55 I received my AARP card. As I approached 65 I received my Medicare card. Plus, I’ve retired (again) recently, so I guess this an occasion to reflect on the journey so far, the lessons learned, and the wisdom gained along the way. So, here are some thoughts as I process this milestone birthday:

1. Faith is more of a sail to be raised than an anchor to be dropped. I certainly understand the metaphor of faith as an anchor, but that analogy is best understood in the context of a storm-tossed sea where faith keeps us from being tossed to and fro. Faith is active in the sense that it is continually growing, and we are constantly being re-shaped and “transformed by the renewing of our minds.” Faith is not about staying in one place but about moving forward, trusting the wind of the Spirit to help us navigate life’s uncertainties with confidence and grace.

2. Relationships are more important than stuff. As I’ve aged, it’s become clearer that material possessions pale in comparison to the value of deep, meaningful relationships. I can identify with Jimmy Carter’s assessment that “Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things that you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I’ve grown older, I’ve become convinced that the things that matter most are the things that you can’t see — the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are.” People bring joy and purpose to life in a way things never can.

3. Choose the scenic route rather than the interstate. When possible, choose the backroads rather than the turnpike. Pace yourself and enjoy the scenery. Through the years I’ve even noticed that detours often turn out to be better than the route we originally chose. Life rarely goes as planned, but some of the best experiences and lessons come from unexpected changes in direction. Taking the scenic route and navigating detours has led me to places I never knew I needed to go.

4. Worry is a waste of time and brain cells. Worrying has never solved a problem or changed an outcome. Erma Bombeck was right on target: “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but I never gets you anywhere.” Letting go of worry frees us mental and emotional bandwidth so that we can think creatively, focus on solutions, and do effective problem-solving.

5. The most significant things we do in life we are seldom aware of when we do them. I have been blessed to have opportunities to stand before a handful of people  and to more than a thousand to preach sermons, offer eulogies, or officiate weddings. Yet I think the most significant things I’ve done in life were not in the public eye. Some of our greatest impacts on others come from simple, unintentional acts of kindness. It’s humbling to know that what feels small to us may be life-changing for someone else.

6. Time is the real currency of life and we are wise to spend it thoughtfully and intentially. Art Buchwald said “Whether it’s the best of times or the worst of times, it’s the only time we’ve got.” At 65, I’ve learned that time is far more valuable than money. How we choose to spend our time—and with whom—defines the quality of our lives.

7. Mistakes are opportunities for growth. My friend and encourager, Dr. John Harris, a retired pastor from Louisianna who served as a pastoral counselor in Birmingham, continually reminded me, “Never waste a mistake.” Mistakes are not failures; they are stepping stones to greater understanding and strength. Each one teaches us something valuable if we’re willing to learn.

8. Our self-worth is much more than the value of our bank accounts at any given time. True worth is found in character, kindness, and the love we share with others. Money can never define who we are or how much we matter. Adam Grant reminds us, “A stable sense of self-worth stems from putting identity above image: worrying less about what others think of us than what we think of ourselves.”

9. Health is a gift never to be taken for granted. Good health is one of life’s greatest blessings. Denis Waitley underscored, “Time And health are two precious assets that we don’t recognize and appreciate until they have been depleted.” Taking care of our bodies and minds allows us to fully enjoy the time we have and the people we share it with.

10. We discover our purpose as we are engaged in serving. Purpose is discovered in action, not in waiting. I’ve seen it over and over again. Students who are engaged in service projects or who serve on mission trips seem to awaken more to their life’s passion or their sense of calling in life than those who simply make career choices based on projected income. By stepping up to help and serve others, we find deeper meaning and fulfillment in life.

Turning 65 has been a time of reflection and growth. These lessons have shaped who I am and continue to guide me as I embrace the years ahead.

Despite a lifetime of experience, I am not really an expert in anything, but I am an avid student of life. As popular musician David Bowie grew older he observed, “Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.”

Here’s to continuing the journey with faith, purpose, and gratitude for all that has been and all that is yet to come.

Servant Leadership: 10 Traits Pastors and Others Can Glean from Jimmy Carter

On By barrysnotes1 Comment

Across the course of his life, Jimmy Carter exemplified servant leadership. The 39th President of the United States is celebrated even more for his post-presidential humanitarian work than his time in office. As a devout Christian, Sunday school teacher, and global advocate for peace and justice, Carter’s life was all about serving God by serving others.

Carter often said, “I have one life and one chance to make it count for something… My faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.”

His example offers a wealth of lessons for pastors, whose roles also demand faith, resilience, and a commitment to serving others. Here are 10 leadership traits pastors can glean from Jimmy Carter to enhance their ministry and reflect Christ’s love more fully:

1. Lead and serve from the wellspring of a rooted and grounded faith. Carter’s faith was the bedrock of his leadership, shaping his decisions and actions throughout his life. Carter claimed, “For me, faith is not just a noun, but also a verb.” Whether navigating the complexities of the presidency or building houses with Habitat for Humanity, Carter approached every role with a Christ-centered perspective. For pastors, staying rooted in faith is critical to leading authentically, purposefully, and with spiritual integrity.

2. Maintain a regular devotional practice. Despite a demanding schedule, Carter consistently carved out time for prayer, Bible study, and quiet reflection. This discipline provided him with resilience and clarity during challenging times. Pastors, too, must prioritize their spiritual health, remembering that effective ministry flows from a strong and active relationship with God.

3. Cultivate an attitude of humility. Carter referred to himself as a “citizen servant,” embracing leadership as an opportunity to serve others rather than seeking personal glory. For pastors, humility means leading with a heart focused on God’s glory and the well-being of others, rather than seeking personal accolades or recognition.

4. Become comfortable in your own skin. Carter was remarkably genuine. Although he was known all over the world, he was neither prideful nor pretentious. He embraced his Southern roots, Christian values, and even his imperfections, allowing his authenticity to shine through. Similarly, pastors lead most effectively when they are genuine and transparent, which enables them to better connect with others.

5. Be a bridgebuilder and peacemaker. Carter’s peacemaking legacy, epitomized by the Camp David Accords, demonstrated his ability to bring opposing sides together. Especially in this era of extreme divisiveness, pastors are called to build bridges within their congregations and communities, fostering unity and reconciliation.

6. Make decisions based on conviction, not popularity. Carter’s moral compass guided him to make decisions based on conviction rather than public opinion, even when those choices were unpopular. Pastors, too, must prioritize God’s calling and biblical teaching over human approval, standing firm in their convictions despite external pressures.

7. Read widely and regularly. Carter’s love of reading broadened his knowledge and deepened his understanding of history, culture, and faith. Pastors can benefit greatly from cultivating a habit of reading, which not only enriches their sermons but also equips them to address a wide range of issues with wisdom and insight.

8. Find a hobby that revitalizes you. Carter found joy and balance in woodworking, a creative outlet that recharged him. He also enjoyed playing tennis and built a tennis court in the backyard of his home in Plains. Pastors, who often face high demands and emotional strain, need hobbies, pastimes, or recreational outlets that refresh their minds and spirits. These pursuits can help prevent burnout and keep them energized for ministry.

9. Learn names. Carter’s remarkable ability to remember people’s names left a lasting impression on those he met. Carter insisted, “You only have to have two loves in your life: for God, and for the person in front of you at any particular time.” For pastors, the simple act of learning names is a powerful gesture that communicates care and value, allowing a pastor to build deeper connections with members of their congregation.

10. Address critical issues head-on. Carter was proactive in addressing the priority concerns. His lifelong commitment to human rights and poverty alleviation reflected his understanding of the gospel’s call to action. Pastors are uniquely positioned to lead their congregations in tackling issues like injustice, inequality, and poverty, demonstrating Christ’s love in practical, transformative ways.

Jimmy Carter’s life serves as a compelling example of servant leadership rooted in faith, humility, and a deep sense of purpose. His servant leadership style resonated with pastoral overtones. He proposed, “Let us learn together and laugh together and work together and pray together, confident that in the end, we will triumph together in the right.”  

Carter’s leadership reminds us that true greatness lies not in status or power, but in service. His example inspires pastors to lead with grace, courage, and unwavering faith as they navigate the sacred calling of shepherding God’s people.

(Barry Howard is a retired pastor who serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches.)

Love, Faith, and Simplicity: Remembering Our Visit in the Home of President and Mrs. Carter

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What is it like to visit the home and the church of a former president?

In the spring of 2012, my wife and I were blessed to spend a week in Plains, Georgia, where I had been invited to lead in revival services at the Maranatha Baptist Church. Their most famous members, Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, were present in every service.

I first met Governor Jimmy Carter in 1975 when I was a sophomore in high school and he was the featured speaker for the Alabama State FFA Convention in Montgomery. Interestingly the delegates at those conventions were seated in alphabetical order according to the school they represented, and since I served as a delegate from Alexandria High School, I had a front row seat.

Then in 2004, Amanda and I made the pilgrimage to Maranatha to attend President Carter’s Sunday School class and to stand in line with the other worshippers to have a photo taken with the 39th president. On that particular Sunday, Mrs. Carter was traveling internationally with an initiative related to the Carter Center.

Never would I have guessed in 1975 that I would become a pastor and someday preach in President Carter’s home church. After the first service in 2012, the worshippers formed a line to greet the guest preacher and his wife and welcome them to Maranatha. The Carters stood in line like every other member, and when they greeted us, Mrs. Carter welcomed us and commended the sermon, while President Carter shook my hand and kissed my wife on the cheek. She was so in awe of President Carter she quipped, “I may never wash my face again.”

The tradition at Maranatha is for the guest preacher to have lunch with the Carter’s during the revival week. We met the Carter’s at Dylan’s Diner on Wednesday, and then accompanied them to their home for dessert and conversation.

Before departing the restaurant, President Carter took me to every table in the restaurant, asked the patrons where they were from, introduced me as the guest evangelist for their revival, and invited every person in the diner to attend the final service that night. Then he added to his invitation, “If you come, you can sit with me and Rosalynn.” That night the attendance peaked, and the Carters were surrounded by the guests he invited from the restaurant.

The Carter’s home is modest and welcoming. President Carter built most of the furniture. We talked about his upbringing in Plains, his career in the Navy, his visits with world leaders, his work with Habitat for Humanity, his love for the Gulf Coast, and the well-being of several of our mutual friends. It was remarkable to hear stories of his recent conversations with Fidel Castro, and I was particularly interested in his recollections of Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin and Egyptian President Anwar Sadat.

Mrs. Carter, who insisted that we call her Rosalynn, had prepared sugar-free banana pudding for our dessert. She served it in a Corningware dish much like my grandmother’s. When I went to the kitchen to assist her with the coffee, I noted that she used a white older model Mr. Coffee coffeemaker, just like the one we use at home. Our visit was rich in simplicity and authenticity.

After we finished dessert, President Carter gave us a tour of his study, where he gave us an overview of some of his newest commentaries, followed by a tour of his workshop, where he showed us a few of his paintings and samples of his woodworks.

Then he said to Amanda, an avid tennis player, “Would you like to see our tennis court?” After he shared a few tennis stories, he said, “We normally take a photo of the guest minister on the front porch, but since Amanda loves tennis, we can take a photo of the four of us here on the tennis court.” Then he requested that one of the Secret Service Agents take the picture, a photo that we will continue to treasure for the remainder of our days.

After the photoshoot, we returned to the house to retrieve a few books he had signed for us, and then they walked us to our car, so we could return to the Plains Inn to freshen up before the evening service.

On the casual walk to our vehicle, as the two of them held hands, they shared with us that their home had been given to the National Park Service so that visitors could continue to visit Plains for years to come. Then Mrs. Carter pointed to a gardenesque area in the front yard and said, “And this is where we will be buried.” And President Carter squeezed her hand and said, “But not yet, Rosie. Not yet.”

In his book, A Full Life, President Carter confessed, “Earlier in my life I thought the things that mattered were the things that you could see, like your car, your house, your wealth, your property, your office. But as I’ve grown older I’ve become convinced that the things that matter most are the things that you can’t see — the love you share with others, your inner purpose, your comfort with who you are.”

Before our visit, we knew the Carters were faithful servants and influential advocates for the poor, the persecuted, and the underserved. During our visit, we learned they were gracious, down to earth, and comfortable in their own skin.

Nearly two years ago, the world learned President Carter was beginning hospice care at home, rather than continuing to go back and forth to the local hospital. And then, surprisingly, Rosalyn died before him.

This past week, as President Carter’s completed his journey, I can imagine that his beloved Rosie was there to squeeze his hand and say, “Welcome home, Jimmy! Welcome home!”.

(Barry Howard serves is a retired pastor who serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside on Cove Creek in northeast Alabama.)