Several years ago, I heard a pastor say, “God gave us two ears and one mouth so that we will listen twice as much as we speak.”
Wherever those words originated, the wisdom behind them is worth remembering. We live in a culture in which many have strong opinions, and increasingly, there is a tendency to believe that everyone else needs to hear that opinion immediately.
In many cases, it seems we have turned jumping to conclusions into an Olympic sport by leaping over facts, hurdling over context, and racing to judgment before we have even finished listening.
The Bible offers a radically different approach. James writes, “Let every person be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger” (James 1:19). Notice the order: listen first, speak second, become angry last. That is good communication advice. More importantly, it is a spiritual discipline.
Listening is more than hearing. Hearing is a physical act. Listening is an intentional act.
We can hear someone’s words while simultaneously preparing our response. We can hear an opposing viewpoint while composing the rebuttal we intend to deliver. We can hear a story while deciding what we think about the person telling it.
True listening, however, requires us to temporarily put our conclusions on hold.
Proverbs says, “The one who gives an answer before listening—this is foolishness and disgrace” (Proverbs 18:13). Perhaps this verse needs to be posted beside every computer, smartphone, microphone, and social-media account.
How often do we respond to a headline without reading the article? React to a quotation without knowing its context? Judge a person based on a thirty-second video clip? Share something because it confirms what we already believe?
We have unprecedented access to information, yet access to information does not necessarily make us wise.
One of the great challenges of our age is confirmation bias—our tendency to notice, believe, and share information that reinforces what we already think while dismissing information that challenges us.
We can become so comfortable inside our ideological echo chambers that we rarely encounter an idea capable of changing our minds.
Our phones have become remarkably good at showing us what we like. Unfortunately, they can also become remarkably good at showing us only what we already believe.
Imagine having a GPS that refused to acknowledge that you might be on the wrong road. Instead of saying, “Recalculating,” it simply kept insisting, “You are absolutely correct.” That would not be helpful.
Neither is a worldview that is incapable of saying, “I may be wrong.” Wisdom requires humility.
Jesus was an avid listener. Jesus certainly spoke with authority for sure, but the Gospels also reveal someone who listened. He listened to Bartimaeus crying out beside the road. He listened to the desperate father whose daughter was dying. He listened to the woman at the well. He listened to people others ignored.
And sometimes Jesus’ questions were as important as his answers. He asked, “What do you want me to do for you?” (Mark 10:51).
What a powerful question. Before we assume we know what someone needs, perhaps we should ask. Before we explain, let’s listen first. Before we judge, perhaps we should understand. Before we respond, perhaps we should pause.
Because Jesus was an avid listener, followers of Jesus should also learn to be avid listeners. And an avid listener can listen across our differences.
Perhaps nowhere is this more important than in our increasingly divided culture. We don’t have to agree with everyone to listen to them. We don’t have to surrender our convictions to understand someone else’s convictions. We don’t have to abandon truth to practice kindness.
In fact, listening can strengthen our convictions because it forces us to examine whether they are based upon truth, Scripture, experience, evidence, or merely assumptions we inherited and never questioned.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote, “The first service that one owes to others in the fellowship consists in listening to them.”
That is a profoundly Christian practice. Listening is an act of service. When we genuinely listen to another person, we communicate something powerful: You matter enough for me to hear you.
In navigating the different perspectives expressed within our social group or spiritual community, it is imperative that we learn to practice the pause.
There is tremendous wisdom in learning to pause. Before responding to an angry email, pause. Before reposting a provocative story, pause. Before assuming someone’s motives, pause. Before labeling someone because of one opinion, pause. Before saying something that cannot be unsaid, pause.
The pause gives wisdom an opportunity to catch up with emotion. The pause allows facts to catch up with assumptions. The pause gives compassion an opportunity to catch up with judgment. And sometimes the most spiritual thing we can say is not something profound at all. Sometimes it is simply, “Tell me more.”
Intentional listening doesn’t require us to be silent forever. Being slow to speak doesn’t mean we should never speak.
There are times when truth needs to be spoken, injustice needs to be challenged, and courage requires us to use our voices. But our words carry greater credibility when people know that we have first been willing to listen.
Perhaps that is why James connects being quick to listen and slow to speak with being slow to anger. Listening allows us to understand before we react. And understanding doesn’t always change our minds. But it can change the way we disagree.
Avoid becoming a gold medalist at jumping to conclusions. Instead of seeing who can respond the fastest, let’s see who can listen the longest. Instead of seeing who can deliver the sharpest comeback, let’s see who can ask the best question. Instead of seeing who can win the argument, let’s see who can preserve the relationship. Instead of trying to prove that everyone else is wrong, let’s become humble enough to ask whether there is something we might be missing.
“Perhaps it’s time to slow down, gather the facts, and listen more carefully with healthy discernment. Wisdom begins where assumptions and presuppositions end.”
In a noisy world, listening can be an act of courage. In a divided world, listening can be an act of grace. And in a world filled with instant opinions, listening can be an act of wisdom.
In this current climate, we are wise to follow the guidance of James:
Be quick to listen.
Be slow to speak.
Be slow to anger.
We have two ears and one mouth. Maybe God gave us that particular ratio for a reason, and for a season. Maybe even a time such as this.
Cove Creek Reflections 