It’s dark outside, and today seems even darker than usual. And it should. Today there will be more darkness and less light than any other day of the year.

Desmond Tutu insisted, “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”

For those of us who live in the northern hemisphere, the shortest day of the year, the Winter Solstice, usually occurs on December 21. The solstice, which literally means “sun stood still,” officially marks the beginning of winter. More notably, with the shortest day also comes the longest period of darkness. The Earth’s axial tilt is at its furthest point from the sun, allowing the least amount of daylight to reach the earth.

While it may be merely coincidental that the darkest day arrives just a few days prior to our customary celebration of Christmas, from my experience as a pastor, I am aware that holidays can be dark days emotionally for many of us. While there are a variety of events, experiences, and emotions that cast dark shadows over our lives, some even bleak enough to obscure the joy of Christmas, a prominent culprit is grief.

Grief comes in many shapes and sizes. In the human experience, we grieve over the death of friends and loved ones. We grieve over deterioration of a marriage. We grieve over friction within the family. We grieve over the loss of a job. We grieve over war and other tragic events around the globe. At times we may even grieve over our diminishing health, the loss of our dreams, or the fading of opportunities.

Let me be quick to affirm that grieving is healthy if we are progressing through the grief process as opposed to becoming stuck in our grief. The Bible never tells us not to grieve, but it does counsel us not to grieve “as those who have no hope” (I Thessalonians 4:13).

Be aware that the empty chair at the Christmas dinner table, the Christmas card labeled “return to sender,” or the empty pillow on the other side of the bed can all trigger a seemingly overwhelming sense of darkness, loneliness, or grief.

Unprocessed grief is unhealthy and can lead to anger, depression, or even physical illness. During the holidays, rather than being overwhelmed by the darkness of grief, look your grief in the eye and call it by name. Don’t deny it or ignore it. And certainly don’t let grief dictate or dominate the mood or conversation of your holiday celebration.

I am convinced that because we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14), our faith gives us the capacity to simultaneously experience the pangs of grief and “the peace of God, that transcends all understanding” (Philippians 4:7). Our faith does not exempt us from the darkness, but our faith does equip us to deal with our grief with deep-seated hope.

Hinting at what life will be like when the promised Messiah comes, Isaiah 9:2 envisions that, “The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of deep darkness a light has dawned.”

Walk through the darkness with courage. Just don’t take up residence in the shadows. Grief does not have the final word. After the long night of darkness, then comes the light.

Don’t let the darkness eclipse the Light of Christmas. 

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

The incarnation is a baffling concept for veteran believers and neophytes. Martin Luther said, “The mystery of the humanity of Christ, that He sunk Himself into our flesh, is beyond all human understanding.”

One of my favorite passages to reflect on at Christmas is found in the first chapter of the gospel of John. In The Message, Eugene Peterson translates verse 14 like this: The Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood (John 1:14a MSG). This earthy translation traces the incarnation to our front door.

Often overlooked as one of the biblical Christmas stories, the first chapter of John’s gospel describes the incarnation in philosophical prose. In contrast, Matthew and Luke composed nativity narratives which chronicle the birth story of Jesus.  John, however, portrays Jesus as the Word who came to bring life and light to all who are willing to receive it (1:4).  And now, over 2000 years later, this Light still guides our steps and this Life continues to infuse our existence with a sense of purpose and direction.

The gospel accounts are compiled from different vantage points. Just as Matthew’s gospel appeals to the historian and genealogist in us, and Luke’s gospel sings to the poet and musician inside of us, perhaps John’s gospel dialogues with the inquirer and logician within us.

John asserts that in the beginning of all things, the Word co-existed with God. Before order was brought out of chaos, the Word was with God. Before light emerged out of darkness, the Word was with God. Before the first breath exhaled through human nostrils, the Word was with God. The Word was, is, and always will be in sync with God.

The Greek term translated and personified as the Word is logos. Logos is a philosophical concept which can be translated as “ultimate meaning” or “reason for being.” During Christmas we may see or hear the familiar slogan that says, “Jesus is the reason for the season.” I think John is actually describing how this Word incarnate informs our reason for being.

According to John, the Word took on human form and moved into the neighborhood. In other words, God not only entered the world as a human being on our behalf, but God has strategically chosen to be near and accessible to us.  In the incarnation, the God of the universe, who transcends our capacity to comprehend or control, has freely and lovingly chosen to relate to us in a personal way and to communicate with us in a language we can understand…an exemplary human life.

N. T. Wright insists, “If you want to know who God is, look at Jesus. If you want to know what it means to be human, look at Jesus. If you want to know what love is, look at Jesus. If you want to know what grief is, look at Jesus. And go on looking until you’re not just a spectator, but you’re actually part of the drama which has him as the central character.”

Remarkably, God not only invites us to receive light and life; God also calls us to be life and light wherever we live and wherever we go. As we follow the teachings of Jesus and emulate the example of Jesus, we become light and life in our community. As we serve God by serving others, especially the “least among us,” we too, mysteriously, become God’s hands and feet in our neighborhood.

According to John’s gospel, Jesus is God with a zip code. And those who follow Jesus are called to embody this good news wherever they find themselves.

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in north Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Grief is challenging to deal with any time of the year, but during the holidays, grief can be deeper, darker, and more unpredictable. Why does grief seem to turn up the volume during the holiday season?

I think there are at least three reasons that grief is more amplified from Thanksgiving through Christmas. First, the nostalgia surrounding the holidays and other special occasions prompts us to recall memories more readily. Second, these events tend to frame the absence of our loved ones. For example, a chair that was occupied at the family table may be vacant this year. And third, we tend to be more emotive during the holidays. Our sensory capacity is thrust into high gear.

Richard Kauffman suggests, “There is no right or wrong way to handle the holidays. You are in complete control of your plans as to what you will do during this time of the year.”

Since grief is more pronounced during the holiday season, how can we find both comfort and joy? Too often our human tendency is to repress the grief under the guise of being strong. However, repressed grief becomes toxic and can lead to depression or illness. It’s better to confront grief head on. Here are ten helpful ways to navigate holiday grief:

• Proactively prepare for holiday grief. Don’t avoid it or deny it. Engage it. The best therapy for grief is to grieve.
• Do a soft re-set on your holiday traditions. Determine which traditions to keep and which to eliminate. And start at least one new tradition. Since grief has a way of reconfiguring life, relationships, and family, embrace the new configuration by beginning at least one new tradition.
• Highlight a favorite event or experience of your loved one. Choose something that was a favorite food, game, song, or activity of your departed loved one, and find a way to highlight it during the holidays. For example, if they loved driving around to see Christmas lights, do it this year in memory of them. If they loved coconut cake, make one and have everyone try a bite.
• Be creative in “work arounds.” Let’s say that Grandpa always read the Christmas story after dinner from his recliner. It may be too emotional for the family to have someone else read the Christmas story from Grandpa’s recliner. Consider having one or more of the grandchildren read the Christmas story before dinner around the dinner table.
• Plan a strategic holiday memorial gift. If Grandma was in a mission group and supported the Christmas Mission Offering, plan for the family to each give a gift to the mission offering in her memory. If Grandpa served on the Properties Committee at church, consider a gift toward campus improvement in his memory. Plan the gift to correspond to one of the passions of your departed loved one.
• Tell lots of stories. For years I’ve encouraged families to continue to treasure the memories and tell the stories. Stories are therapeutic, for sure. But they are also formational and nurturing. One reason genealogies are included in the Bible is because stories of our ancestors help shape our identities.
• Write a letter to your departed loved one. In the letter tell them what you are feeling during the holidays. Then read the letter aloud as though the departed friend or family member is in the room with you. We think and we speak with different sides of the brain. To reflect, write, and then speak what you have written is healthier and more holistic than simply writing it down. It’s your choice whether to keep the letter confidential or to share it with other family members.
• Continue the conversation. Most of us tend to continue an internal dialogue with our departed loved ones after they are gone. Sometimes it involves a gut-wrenching confession such as, “Daddy, there are so many things I wish I had told you.” Much of the time it is something as simple as, “I sure do miss you.” And of course, such a dialogue may include good humor such as, “The lights at the top of the tree have gone out again, and I suspect you may have had something to do with that.” It is important during the holidays to keep the conversation going, and maybe even rev it up a bit.
• Designate moments for quiet and solitude. Be careful not to withdraw into a cocoon of isolation. But likewise, be careful not to bury your grief in a flurry of holiday events and activities.
• Participate in holiday services at your church. Not everyone is ready to return to active participation in worship or a small group for the first week or two after a memorial service.Of course, things will be different when you return. But the longer you wait to re-engage, the tougher it will be to adjust to a new normal. Somehow, the music and message of Advent and Christmas invoke hope and courage. So, the holidays may be the best time to return to active participation.

Healthy expressions of grief include finding the right balance of tears and laughter, of connecting and disconnecting, and of lamentation and celebration.

And remember, not every member of the family grieves in the same way or at the same pace. Allow space for family members to grieve in their own way.

There’s no doubt the weight of grief can be heavier during the holidays. But the holidays also present great opportunities for finding positive and proactive ways to deal with your grief.

Dr. Alan Wolfelt cautions, “Don’t assume that your holidays will be totally miserable this year. Yes, if you are actively mourning, you will experience pain and sadness. But if you spend time in the company of people you love, you may also experience moments of great joy and hope.”

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. Previously, he served as pastor of the First Baptist Church in Pensacola, Florida. Later he practiced as a pastoral counselor in Pensacola, Florida.)

Advent is a prime time for deepening or jumpstarting one’s devotional life. Devotional reading, contemplation, and prayer are disciplines that nurture our spiritual health in all seasons. And if you prefer to go “paperless” in your devotional reading there are many inspiring Advent resources available online.

When I was in high school the student ministry at my home church challenged us to begin the practice of a daily “quiet time.” Since those days my personal devotional time has nurtured and nourished my spiritual growth and development.

Across the years my quiet time emerged into an early morning discipline grounded inspirational reading, prayer, and meditation. My devotional life is enriched a variety of resources including classic devotionals, books by noted authors, and devotional reflections shared by church members.

A few years back, I decided to go “paperless” in my devotional time choosing to utilize online Bible apps and a variety of e-resources for my devotional time. Online resources are especially helpful during holiday travels because the resources can be accessed on any internet computer or digital device. Going paperless also keeps my desktop a lot less cluttered whether I am at home or in my office.

Most online devotional sites provide complimentary access, and the costs are covered through donations or advertising revenue. Additionally, like any digital communication, e-devotionals save paper and are friendly to the environment.

As I began preparing for Advent this year, I previewed a few good resources to share with others and to use in my own personal devotional time. I looked for resources that are easily accessible, theologically sound, and culturally relevant.

Like other online devotional resources, Advent E-Devotions may be created by churches, missional organizations, or individuals. A few of the devotional sites invite you to register your email address and they will send a daily devotional directly to your inbox. Other sites have corresponding “apps” that you can download making access easier on your mobile devices. And all online sites can be bookmarked or added to your favorites list for ease of access.

Here are a few examples of online Advent devotional options that you might find helpful:

Local churches often provide links to their Advent Devotional Booklets. Two good examples are from Vestavia Hills Baptist Church in Birmingham (http://www.vhbc.com/advent-at-vhbc) and First Baptist Pensacola (22-Advent-Devotional.pdf (squarespace.com). These booklets can usually be accessed as a PDF file, or downloaded to a tablet, Kindle, or E-reader.

D365.org is sponsored by Passport Camps and provides a daily Advent devotional that is appropriate for students or adults. (http://d365.org/)

Buckner International is a faith-based social service organization based in Dallas that serves hundreds of thousands of people each year across the United States and around the globe. Their Advent guide, written by assorted authors, can be downloaded at Advent starts today · Buckner International

Lutheran Hour Ministries (LHM) offers an option to read Advent devotionals online or to listen via apps such as Spotify, IHeart Radio, Alexa, or Google Home. Advent Devotions :: Lutheran Hour Ministries (lhm.org)

Pittsburgh Theological Seminary provides an Advent Devotional W-Book written by members of the seminary community. This e-book offers a read option and an audio option, and can be downloaded at http://www.pts.edu/devotional_1.

Advent Conspiracy was founded on the radical idea that we can celebrate Christmas humbly, beautifully, and generously. The devotionals, written by a variety of pastors, are available at The Advent Conspiracy Movement Homepage.

McAfee School of Theology compiles Advent devotionals written by faculty, students, and alumni and they post them online at Advent | School of Theology (mercer.edu).

Sacred Space is an online prayer site provided by the Irish Jesuits. They provide a guided Advent devotional series and an Advent Retreat option at www.sacredspace.ie.

Whether you are new to the practice of a daily devotional experience or a long-time practitioner, you may discover that an Advent E-Devotion will enrich your preparation for Christmas and deepen your faith as you learn more about the life and teachings of Jesus.

(Barry Howard serves as pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches.)

A few years ago, my wife and I spotted this folk proverb on a sign hanging in one of our favorite Smoky Mountain restaurants: “Simple pleasures are life’s treasures.”  It reminded me of an old tv commercial that proclaimed, “Life’s simple pleasures are the best.”

Whatever one’s station or mission in life, little blessings should never be taken for granted.

During this week designated to remind us to count our blessings, I will certainly be giving thanks for faith, family, friends, and freedom. But there are a few things that popped up in my gratitude inventory that some folks might label as minor blessings. For me, however, they are a big deal. Some are simple pleasures, others are personal preferences, and a few are stress relievers.

These twelve represent a longer list of blessings that add richness and meaning to life, simple gifts that I never want to take for granted:

• A hot cup of coffee on a cold November morning.
• A multi-colored sunrise over the Blue Ridge Mountain or an autumn sunset over the Gulf of Mexico.
• Snuggly hugs from nieces and nephews, both young and old.
• A timely phone call from a friend.
• Artwork given to me by a child.
• Immersing myself in a good book…a novel, a biography, or a little theology.
• Home-made cards or hand-written notes of encouragement.
• A song emanating from my soul.
• A refreshing Sunday afternoon nap.
• An occasional walk between 18 holes.
• The freedom to gather with others to worship.
• The honor of walking alongside others through all the seasons of life, including dedicating, encouraging, baptizing, marrying, and even eulogizing a few of them.

This week as we give thanks for the big things, let us also take time to give thanks for the simple things that bring joy, fulfillment, and affirmation to our lives.

Paulo Coelho, popular author of The Alchemist, insists, “The simple things are also the most extraordinary things, and only the wise can see them.”

What would you include on your list of simple blessings?

Many of us will be privileged to gather on Thanksgiving Day with family and friends to enjoy a bountiful feast and hearty conversations around the table. As one of our treasured holidays, Thanksgiving is a day set aside, not only to give thanks, but to rekindle in us a spirit of gratitude. In I Thessalonians 5:16-18, Paul encourages believers to “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances: for this is God will for you in Christ Jesus.”

During my college years, my faith was heavily influenced by a little book entitled, Agaperos, written by Grady Nutt. In that book, as in his sermons, Grady underscored the importance of choosing “an attitude of gratitude.”

Experiencing and expressing gratitude throughout the ever-changing seasons of life has a way of re-shaping our perspective and re-formatting our attitude.

Elie Wiesel suggested: “When a person doesn’t have gratitude, something is missing in his or her humanity. A person can almost be defined by his or her attitude toward gratitude.”

In my journey of faith, I am discovering that a disposition of gratitude enriches life in several ways.

Gratitude encourages me and others around me.  When I am frustrated and tend to see the glass half empty rather than half full, I find that the practice of “counting my blessings” infuses me with encouragement, which spills over into the lives of others. Gratitude has a way of refocusing my attention on the positive and reminding me of how blessed I am.

Gratitude also promotes good health. While gratitude does not bring instantaneous healing or make us immune from viruses or exempt from accidents, a heart of gratitude promotes spiritual, emotional, and physical health in at least a couple of ways. First, gratitude serves as the antidote for toxic negativity and complaint, cleansing our perspective and renewing our focus. And second, gratitude seems to put us in a positive frame of mind which allows our body to better produce and release antibodies and restorative enzymes that work to promote health and wholeness.

A study of the psychology of gratitude is found in Robert Emmons’ book, Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier. In his research at the University of California-Berkeley, Dr. Emmons found that those who practice grateful thinking “reap emotional, physical and interpersonal benefits.” The study revealed that individuals who regularly keep a gratitude journal report fewer illness symptoms, generally feel better about their lives as a whole and are more optimistic about the future. Emmons concluded that gratitude is both a personal choice and healthy response to our life experiences.

Gratitude ultimately inspires me to serve. Gratitude is not about counting my blessings just to make me a happier consumer. Genuine gratitude motivates me to share my blessings. For me, the quality of life is best measured not by how much I have but byhow effectively I use resources I have been given to serve. Those who serve out of guilt serve for a short while. Those who serve out of gratitude serve for a lifetime.

Choosing an attitude of gratitude is a daily discipline that enriches life. Henri Nouwen wrote: “The discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.”

With good reason, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 encourages us to “give thanks in all circumstances.” Although we do not always get to choose our circumstances, we can always choose our attitude. Not just today, but every day, cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Philosopher Eric Hoffer once suggested, “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”

I grew up in church singing the beloved hymn by Johnson Oatman, Jr., “Count Your Blessings.” What is a blessing? And when you “name them one by one,” what do you name?

In my early years, I thought a blessing was something to enjoy or consume, like a new toy under the Christmas tree or my grandparents taking me to my favorite restaurant.

As I’ve grown older and hopefully a little wiser, I understand blessings to be less consumer-centric and more life-giving, more oriented toward the common good. The dictionary defines a blessing as “God’s favor and protection.” That’s not necessarily wrong. The definition is just not big enough. Blessings run deeper.

When some individuals say, “I am blessed,” the statement seems to be a humble brag or mere religious jargon. There are other times when we or others realize we are blessed, and that affirmation emerges from a growing self-awareness or epiphanic realization of our endowment.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. As we prepare to give thanks, here are seven reflections to help us inventory our blessings:

• Blessings come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Blessings may be large or small, simple or complex, singular or plural, short-term or long-term, material or spiritual.

• To be blessed is to be endowed with a gift or resource. That resource may take the form of a capacity, a potential, an opportunity, or a sphere of influence. To say that we have been blessed is to confirm we have been equipped or empowered to do something good or something meaningful.

• Blessings are usually conveyed to us or affirmed in us via human messengers. Our blessings may originate in the heart of God, but they are most often delivered or awakened by individuals who may or may not be aware of the gift they transport.
  
  
• A blessing may be tangible or intangible. Our car, a tangible asset, is a blessing that gives us the capacity for transportation. Our spiritual gifts, intangible assets, give us the capacity to serve.
  
  
• We are blessed so that we may be a blessing. We are designed as conduits through which our blessings are to be shared, not reservoirs in which our blessings are stored. Blessings are like manna. When they are unused, they spoil.
  
  
• Neglected or misappropriated blessings may become burdens. For example, a nice house can be a blessing when it is used to nurture relationships, provide safety, host friends, and offer hospitality. However, a nice house can also become a burden that imprisons us in debt, loneliness, or despair when our priorities are misaligned.
  
  
• Blessings are not always easily recognized and ready to use. Blessings do not usually glitter like gold. Janette Oke suggests, “Blessings sometimes show up in unrecognizable disguises.” Sometimes blessings, like products from Ikea, arrive with “assembly required.”

When you count your blessings, don’t just name the possessions you have acquired or accumulated. Name the life-giving resources and relationships that give meaning and purpose to your existence.

Someone once said, “Don’t just count your blessings. Be the blessing others count on.”

(Barry Howard serves as pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

I had the privilege of spending a part of my summer sabbatical in Europe in 2012.

Just before beginning a summer term at Oxford University, I visited several historic sites from the ancient Roman Empire, trying to brush up on my knowledge of the history of Western Civilization. Just to make a full disclosure, the only “D” I made in college was in the “HY101: A History of Western Civilization.” And I’ve been trying to improve my understanding of that part of the world ever since.

Our group tour started in Istanbul, Turkey, continued through the Greek isles, and culminated in Athens, Greece. We visited three of the sites of Wonders of the Ancient World: The Temple of Diana, the Colossus of Rhodes, and the Mausoleum.

We saw monuments and statues with tributes to the provincial governors and to one of the many Caesars. After dinner each evening, I would try to catch up on the news of the day by watching BBC or reading an online paper from the U.S.

Reading about Caesar by day and the upcoming U.S. election by night, the simple but daunting reality dawned upon me: citizens in the ancient Roman world had no voice in choosing their governmental leaders, but the U.S. does, and that is still a rare and treasured privilege, even in today’s world.

Only a small percentage of the world’s population has ever had a voice in choosing government officials. Even today when more nations than ever enjoy some form of democracy, only a fraction of the world’s citizens have any say in choosing their elected leaders.

How would life have been different if citizens in the ancient Roman Empire had been given the opportunity to vote on their government leaders?

In a crucial election year, characterized by inflammatory rhetoric and partisan polarities, it’s important to remember that choosing leaders by “voting your conscience and conviction” is a privilege and a responsibility.

I returned home from my summer travels that year with a greater awareness of my national and spiritual heritage, and a greater appreciation for our many freedoms. 

However, as a pastor and as a citizen of these United States, this year I am weary of partisan propaganda-driven politics by both major parties. I am disturbed by the rumormongering, name-calling, and conspiracy theories that are “shared” via social media, blogs, and emails. 

And I am bothered that many in the name of faith are attacking the personal character and the religion of candidates they have never met, all the while avoiding serious dialogue about the most pressing issues of our day.

Maybe more of our time and conversation should be aimed at developing constructive and rational strategies for addressing our national and global challenges.

As the election approaches, here are four ways we can exercise responsible citizenship in times like these, regardless of our party affiliation or religious conviction:

• Do your homework. Research the candidates and amendments. Do the hard work of wading through the propaganda. Don’t let anyone else tell you how to vote…not your mother, not your father, not your favorite superstar, and certainly not your preacher.
  
  
• Practice civil discourse. Elections are a time to speak your conscience, vote your conviction, and engage in civil discourse. Evaluating and critiquing the issues is much harder work than assailing and attacking a candidate. Dialogue with trusted friends about the pros and cons of a candidate’s track record, leadership style, and long-term vision is constructive. Spouting personal attacks is immature and childish, and it diminishes the electoral process.
  
  
• Vote for your preferred candidate.  Discern and determine which candidate best represents your values and your vision, and then cast your ballot. Do not be deterred or dissuaded by polls that talk about which candidate is leading on a given day. The election is not complete until your vote is cast. Realize that neither candidate is the devil or the messiah, and that each candidate’s position has strengths and weaknesses. Running for public office is demanding and exhausting. Be grateful for those who are willing to run, even those with whom you disagree. It is difficult for those of us who have never campaigned to identify with the personal toll that is exacted on a candidate and his or her family.
  
  
• Pray for whoever is elected. On the morning after the election, someone will win and someone will lose. As a person who is learning to walk by faith, I am convinced that we need to pray for whoever is elected, whether they are my candidate of choice or not.  In a partisan culture, I find it troubling that often the losing party declares that their mission is to defeat the elected candidate by subverting all attempts at his or her successful leadership. After all, the person who is elected will soon discover that the job requires more than a campaign slogan. I find the words from I Timothy 2:1-3 to be relevant to the way we respond to our elected leadership: “I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone—for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. This is good, and pleases God our Savior.”

Yes, we do live in uniquely perilous times. However, the major dilemmas our country faces were not created by leaders of one party but by both. The resolution and resolve to correct our course will not be provided by one party or one leader, but by courageous, visionary leaders and responsible citizens from across all party lines.

The upcoming election is important but the election itself will not repair the state of the union, no matter which candidate is chosen. 

My Bible does not say, “If my people who are called by my name shall elect the right candidate, I will heal their land.” 

The Bible does say rather emphatically that, “If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” (II Chronicles 7:14)

If as followers of Jesus we began heeding these powerful words, we could ignite in our country a movement toward real recovery.

(Barry Howard serves at pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches.)

In her book, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, Anne Lamott suggests, “A good marriage is where both people feel like they’re getting the better end of the deal.” 

However, I can readily identify with Winston Churchill’s assessment: “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”

Amanda and I celebrated our 37^th wedding anniversary on Sept 7. We were married in 1985 at the Post Oak Springs Baptist Church near Jacksonville, Alabama, her home church and my first pastorate. Since that time our journey together across these 37 years has been quite an adventure with lots of unexpected twists and turns, a journey that has enabled us to learn and grow, and to forge a remarkable number of treasured friendships along the way.

After a reception in the Fellowship Hall, we departed for our honeymoon and the real work of marriage began. Even for a pastor and spouse, the merging of two lives is never easy and is often messy. Amanda and I have tasted both the “for better and for worse” experiences of life, and our relationship has grown stronger and more durable as we have confronted obstacles and embraced opportunities.

Marriage is perhaps the most unique of all human relationships. The privilege of partnering with one person for life is a blessing and a challenge. But for the pastor’s family, I think the stressors are specific and peculiar. While every marriage has its challenges, a pastor’s marriage is lived out in a distinct context.

According to research released in 2017 by the Barna Group, most pastors—96 percent of whom are married—are satisfied with their spousal relationship. Seven out of 10 say it is excellent (70%), and one-quarter considers it good (26%). By way of comparison, less than half of all married American adults rate their marriage as excellent (46%), and one-third says it’s good (35%). So, by and large, pastors report greater marital satisfaction than the general population. They also divorce at lower rates: About 10 percent of Protestant pastors have ever been divorced, compared to one-quarter of all U.S. adults; 27%.

I certainly believe that God calls ministers from a diverse pool of candidates from all walks of life. Although marriage is not a qualification for ministry, the majority of ministers currently serving are married.

Marriage for ministers and faith leaders is not “a piece of cake.” Minister’s families are not exempt from miscommunication, financial worries, parenting issues, or serious health concerns.

Fawn Weaver insists, “Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” When it comes to marriage, it is important for all couples to make wise choices and to recover from not-so-wise choices.

To build a healthy marriage, a minister and spouse should take proactive steps to navigate the peculiar stressors of ministry with faith, discernment, and intentionality. As we have grown through 37 years of marriage, we have gained a few insights into what makes marriage work for us as a pastor and spouse:

• Embrace the uniqueness of the “ministry life.” Life for a minister’s family is not abnormal. It is just a different kind of normal. We try to live into the uniqueness rather than avoiding it or denying it.
• Avoid unrealistic expectations. You will likely encounter a few church members who have unrealistic or idealistic expectations for your work schedule, your preaching topics, and your family life. You will be a more effective minister and you will have a healthier family life if you live out of the wellspring of your gifts and convictions, and not the expectations of others.
• Set reasonable boundaries. There are two extremes: One is to set no boundaries and be available and accessible 24/7. The other is to set rigid boundaries that are not sustainable, such as “no evening meetings” or “no funerals on my off day.” Almost every boundary has exceptions in times of trauma or emergency.
• Schedule time for dates. There is a lot of demand on a pastor’s schedule. Calendaring can often be like doing triage. So, I schedule appointments with Amanda for lunch dates, dinner dates, sporting events, and other fun activities. Otherwise, my schedule becomes full and we miss spending quality time together.
• Avoid taking the stress and stories of work home. Often when I leave the office, I am still in ministry mode, making evening visits or phone calls, working on preparation for upcoming services, or processing the events of the day. And while I may occasionally need to share news about a death, illness, or event that will soon be made public, I generally avoid rehashing the specific details of ministry with my spouse
• Take your off days and your vacation. I am still working on this. Only a couple of times during our 37 years have I taken all the vacation time provided to me. However, the older I get, I find that it is more important to take time to rest, refocus, and rejuvenate, for my physical health, my spiritual health, and for the health of our marriage.
• Cultivate friendships outside your congregation. Although we have developed treasured friendships with members of the congregations we’ve served, we have been blessed to have friends outside the church with whom we have visited, dined, and traveled. With friends outside the church, we can enjoy a social outing without thinking about church matters.
• Use discretion in telling stories involving your marriage or family life. Our congregation loves stories, and they seem receptive to illustrative stories from our personal experiences, such as our adventures in tennis, golf, or travels. However, I try to only tell stories that highlight and illustrate how our lives intersect with faith, fun, and friendship, and I avoid sharing illustrations that are intimate or critical.
• Do ministry together occasionally. Amanda has her own passion for ministry and she invests her time and energy in serving, just like any other member of our congregation. However, we occasionally enjoy making hospital visits together, engaging in mission projects together, and even reading and discussing the same devotionals, books, or Bible passages.
• Take care of your health. During our wedding, we pledged to be faithful to each other in sickness and in health. Obviously, we prefer to be healthy. We do a pretty good job of keeping up with our doctor’s visits and we are proactive in caring for our health.
• Learn when to say yes and when to say no to invitations. We enjoy being socially active, but there is no way to say yes to every invitation. It is a biblical imperative to “let your yes be yes and your no be no” (Matthew 5:37).
• Keep growing… together.  I don’t think anyone, especially a minister and spouse, ever reaches a point where you can put your marriage on cruise control. A healthy marriage requires ongoing nurture. There is a big difference in growing old together and getting old together. We want to grow old together by continuing to grow spiritually, intellectually, and intimately.

A healthy marriage may not necessarily make ministry easier, but an unhealthy marriage certainly makes ministry more difficult. If you neglect your marriage in order to preserve your ministry, you are likely to lose both.

I love being married and I love serving as a pastor. And I hope to enjoy both in some way for an extended season. Amanda and I have shared a partnership in life and ministry for 37 years now.  And I look forward to many more.

As Robert Browning penned, “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.”

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a columnist and leadership coach for the Center for Healthy Churches.)