In her book, Plan B: Further Thoughts on Faith, Anne Lamott suggests, “A good marriage is where both people feel like they’re getting the better end of the deal.” 

However, I can readily identify with Winston Churchill’s assessment: “My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.”

Amanda and I celebrated our 37^th wedding anniversary on Sept 7. We were married in 1985 at the Post Oak Springs Baptist Church near Jacksonville, Alabama, her home church and my first pastorate. Since that time our journey together across these 37 years has been quite an adventure with lots of unexpected twists and turns, a journey that has enabled us to learn and grow, and to forge a remarkable number of treasured friendships along the way.

After a reception in the Fellowship Hall, we departed for our honeymoon and the real work of marriage began. Even for a pastor and spouse, the merging of two lives is never easy and is often messy. Amanda and I have tasted both the “for better and for worse” experiences of life, and our relationship has grown stronger and more durable as we have confronted obstacles and embraced opportunities.

Marriage is perhaps the most unique of all human relationships. The privilege of partnering with one person for life is a blessing and a challenge. But for the pastor’s family, I think the stressors are specific and peculiar. While every marriage has its challenges, a pastor’s marriage is lived out in a distinct context.

According to research released in 2017 by the Barna Group, most pastors—96 percent of whom are married—are satisfied with their spousal relationship. Seven out of 10 say it is excellent (70%), and one-quarter considers it good (26%). By way of comparison, less than half of all married American adults rate their marriage as excellent (46%), and one-third says it’s good (35%). So, by and large, pastors report greater marital satisfaction than the general population. They also divorce at lower rates: About 10 percent of Protestant pastors have ever been divorced, compared to one-quarter of all U.S. adults; 27%.

I certainly believe that God calls ministers from a diverse pool of candidates from all walks of life. Although marriage is not a qualification for ministry, the majority of ministers currently serving are married.

Marriage for ministers and faith leaders is not “a piece of cake.” Minister’s families are not exempt from miscommunication, financial worries, parenting issues, or serious health concerns.

Fawn Weaver insists, “Happily ever after is not a fairy tale. It’s a choice.” When it comes to marriage, it is important for all couples to make wise choices and to recover from not-so-wise choices.

To build a healthy marriage, a minister and spouse should take proactive steps to navigate the peculiar stressors of ministry with faith, discernment, and intentionality. As we have grown through 37 years of marriage, we have gained a few insights into what makes marriage work for us as a pastor and spouse:

• Embrace the uniqueness of the “ministry life.” Life for a minister’s family is not abnormal. It is just a different kind of normal. We try to live into the uniqueness rather than avoiding it or denying it.
• Avoid unrealistic expectations. You will likely encounter a few church members who have unrealistic or idealistic expectations for your work schedule, your preaching topics, and your family life. You will be a more effective minister and you will have a healthier family life if you live out of the wellspring of your gifts and convictions, and not the expectations of others.
• Set reasonable boundaries. There are two extremes: One is to set no boundaries and be available and accessible 24/7. The other is to set rigid boundaries that are not sustainable, such as “no evening meetings” or “no funerals on my off day.” Almost every boundary has exceptions in times of trauma or emergency.
• Schedule time for dates. There is a lot of demand on a pastor’s schedule. Calendaring can often be like doing triage. So, I schedule appointments with Amanda for lunch dates, dinner dates, sporting events, and other fun activities. Otherwise, my schedule becomes full and we miss spending quality time together.
• Avoid taking the stress and stories of work home. Often when I leave the office, I am still in ministry mode, making evening visits or phone calls, working on preparation for upcoming services, or processing the events of the day. And while I may occasionally need to share news about a death, illness, or event that will soon be made public, I generally avoid rehashing the specific details of ministry with my spouse
• Take your off days and your vacation. I am still working on this. Only a couple of times during our 37 years have I taken all the vacation time provided to me. However, the older I get, I find that it is more important to take time to rest, refocus, and rejuvenate, for my physical health, my spiritual health, and for the health of our marriage.
• Cultivate friendships outside your congregation. Although we have developed treasured friendships with members of the congregations we’ve served, we have been blessed to have friends outside the church with whom we have visited, dined, and traveled. With friends outside the church, we can enjoy a social outing without thinking about church matters.
• Use discretion in telling stories involving your marriage or family life. Our congregation loves stories, and they seem receptive to illustrative stories from our personal experiences, such as our adventures in tennis, golf, or travels. However, I try to only tell stories that highlight and illustrate how our lives intersect with faith, fun, and friendship, and I avoid sharing illustrations that are intimate or critical.
• Do ministry together occasionally. Amanda has her own passion for ministry and she invests her time and energy in serving, just like any other member of our congregation. However, we occasionally enjoy making hospital visits together, engaging in mission projects together, and even reading and discussing the same devotionals, books, or Bible passages.
• Take care of your health. During our wedding, we pledged to be faithful to each other in sickness and in health. Obviously, we prefer to be healthy. We do a pretty good job of keeping up with our doctor’s visits and we are proactive in caring for our health.
• Learn when to say yes and when to say no to invitations. We enjoy being socially active, but there is no way to say yes to every invitation. It is a biblical imperative to “let your yes be yes and your no be no” (Matthew 5:37).
• Keep growing… together.  I don’t think anyone, especially a minister and spouse, ever reaches a point where you can put your marriage on cruise control. A healthy marriage requires ongoing nurture. There is a big difference in growing old together and getting old together. We want to grow old together by continuing to grow spiritually, intellectually, and intimately.

A healthy marriage may not necessarily make ministry easier, but an unhealthy marriage certainly makes ministry more difficult. If you neglect your marriage in order to preserve your ministry, you are likely to lose both.

I love being married and I love serving as a pastor. And I hope to enjoy both in some way for an extended season. Amanda and I have shared a partnership in life and ministry for 37 years now.  And I look forward to many more.

As Robert Browning penned, “Grow old with me! The best is yet to be.”

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a columnist and leadership coach for the Center for Healthy Churches.)

A few days ago, as I was rerouted to rural backroads to avoid an accident on the interstate, I took advantage of the opportunity to look for locally owned restaurants and to observe church signs, a habit which is both frustrating and informative.

I noticed what appeared to be a new digital church sign framed in red brick highlighting a message that read, “Join us this Sunday for Old Time Worship and Revivalistic Preaching.” The name on the flashing high tech sign was Heritage Baptist Church.

I couldn’t help but grimace when I noticed another church next door with a traditional painted sign which identified the neighbor as New Vision Baptist Church.

Admittedly, I don’t know the history of the two churches. But my mind immediately went to a scenario I’ve seen unfold far too often. A church divides between those who hold fast to the ways things have always been and those who want to explore new methodologies. One group stays and the other group leaves.

Interestingly, in this case, if the two are connected, it seems that New Vision remained at the older campus and Heritage appeared to have built a new facility. Through the years I have spotted New Covenant Church just down the road from Covenant Church. I have seen Sovereign Grace Church a short distance from Grace Baptist Church. And I snapped a photo of Upper Spring Creek Church just upstream from Spring Creek Church

As I continued driving on this alternate route, I recalled a painting I saw years ago in restaurant in north Alabama that depicted a beautiful rural scene accented by two churches. New Hope #1 was on the left and New Hope #2 was on the right. A creek ran behind both churches implying converts from both churches were baptized in those common waters. And between the two churches was New Hope Cemetery, where members of both churches were buried.

In many cases, when New Hope splits into two churches, they offer no hope to their community for the long-term. They may survive, but they seldom thrive.

Throughout my years as a pastor, I have tried to nurture a church culture where heritage and new vision collaborate and cooperate in the same fellowship. When heritage and vision separate, both are left lacking.

Historian Daniel J. Boorstin contends, “Planning for the future without a sense of history is like planting cut flowers.”

What causes heritage and vision to separate? Usually, it is not one thing but a progression of influences and actions that converge to cause such a division. Here are seven factors that I have observed contributing to division in a church:

• Decisions are made based on personal preference rather than spiritual discernment.
  
  
• Conflict arises when members talk about one another rather than with one another.
  
  
• Goals and measurements are based on a dated denominational scorecard rather than missional metrics.

• A church views other churches in their community as their competitors rather than as their colleagues.

• A church adopts a reactionary scheme to reach the missing generation rather than a proactive strategy for multigenerational ministry.

• A church fails to see its heritage and vision as partners, causing the two to become unwitting adversaries.

• A church stubbornly determines that they can deal with their division and conflict without assistance from an experienced and objective consultant and coach.

In a healthy church, heritage and new vision engage in an ongoing dialogue. Otherwise conflict is likely to arise. Churches can recover from fractures and deep divisions. It just takes longer and is more painful and more costly than prevention or intervention.

Community-building is hard work. Consensus-building is hard work. Conflict management is hard work. But they are all types of kingdom work.

My scenic drive became a parabolic adventure.

Interestingly, as I neared the end of my backroads detour and was within a short distance of returning to the interstate, there was another church sign for Happy Valley Baptist Church at one of the final intersections.

I don’t know anything about the history or culture of that church, or whether they live up to their name. But I did note they were still one church.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Grief feels like different things to different people. For example, in A Grief Observed, C.S. Lewis confessed, “No one told me that grief feels so much like fear.”

I have walked alongside individuals and families who are dealing with grief for over 40 years. Here are 10 observations I have made about the traits of grief, the grieving process and grieving persons:

1. Grief is the emotion associated with loss.

Grief may occur over the loss of a friend, a relationship, our resources or our faculties. In my experience, the seven primary catalysts for grief are death, disease, diminishment, dementia, divorce, destruction and distance.

2. Grieving is the act of expressing and processing the emotion of grief.

You just can’t be passive about grief. A grievous loss may do more to disrupt and reconfigure life than any other experience. Grief forces us to rethink, reevaluate, revise, reallocate and reconfigure life. At times, grief even prompts us to relocate.

3. Not all grief is created equal.

Simple grief is what we expect because of the ordinary stages of life, such as the passing of an aging grandparent.

Compounded grief is the experience of two or more experiences of grief in a short period of time.

Traumatic grief refers to the unexpected grief we experience when confronted with a tragic loss such as an accident, flood or storm.

Complex or complicated grief references the type of grief we experience when there is an unresolved mystery associated with the loss, such a person who is lost at sea and assumed deceased, but we are not certain.

Communal or corporate grief is the sort of grief that affects a larger group of people who sense tremendous loss even though they may not be personally acquainted with the victim or victims. The assassination of JFK or the losses of 9/11 would fall into this category.

4. Faith does not exempt us from grief, but it does equip us to deal with grief with hope and perseverance.

Grief is extremely tough, even for those who have a strong faith. While grief can strengthen our faith, on other occasions grief may call faith into question or challenge one’s presuppositions about the faith.

A person of faith should be careful not to mask their grief with “rejoicing.” The hope of eternity is strengthening but it does not cancel the pain of grief.

5. Grief is not a momentary event but an ongoing experience.

Grief has no expiration date. For most people, grief ebbs and flows but never goes completely away.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross cautioned, “The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again, but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” 

6. The stages of grief do not occur in a predictable order, and not every stage is experienced by everyone.

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance may be experienced sequentially, selectively, simultaneously, or rotationally with different stages surging at different times.

7. Not everyone in the family grieves the same way or at the same pace.

Different personalities grieve differently. Some people grieve while anticipating the loss. Others grieve more when the loss is actualized. Some grieve privately, while others grieve publicly.

Therefore, it is usually not helpful to compare another’s grief to our own. Neither is it helpful to critique the way a friend grieves.

8. Unprocessed grief can become toxic, endangering our physical and mental health.

Grief, especially traumatic grief, usually takes a heavy toll on the body and the spirit. If we deny or defer our grief, then the noxious effects can be debilitating to our heart, mind and soul.

9. Grieving persons need friends who are supportive and respectful.

Those who are grieving benefit from a small support group who gives them the place and space to grieve. Religious slogans, feeble explanations, and awkward questions are usually more hurtful than helpful.

10. Grief is best processed slowly over time.

Healthy expressions of grief include tears, stories, laughter, prayer, gratitude, lamentation and celebration.

Grieving, mourning and lamenting are deeply spiritual disciplines. Maybe that’s the reason numerous psalms and the book of Lamentations are devoted to grief and lament.

The Bible never suggests that we should not grieve. It does, however, encourage us “not to grieve as those who have no hope” (1 Thessalonians 4:13).

Grief is a normal part of life. Everyone will grieve at some point. Grief is seldom a momentary event. Rather, it is almost always an ongoing experience.

As C.S. Lewis processed his own grief following the death of his wife, he observed, “Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape.”

Be sure not to travel this valley alone!

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, currently reside in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

As a minister, I mostly deal with grief among parishioners as a process that follows the death of a friend or loved one. When a friend or loved one dies, a bereavement process begins, a journey that allows those left behind to proceed through a variety of stages of grief.

Many years ago, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified the five stages of grief:  Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance.  When I took a course on Death and Dying at the university, I was taught that different individuals pass through the stages at different speeds and perhaps even in different orders.

But I was also taught that grief is not limited to the experience of loss through death. Grief could occur over the loss of a job, the loss of income, the loss of one’s freedom, or the loss of one’s faculties.

Since my first visit to the funeral home at the age of six I have been aware of the kind of grief that accompanies death. Only in recent years have I come to understand the grief one can experience for those who are still alive. As I have dealt with those experiencing diminishment and dementia, I have gained a new appreciation for how we grieve for the living.

First, in 2004, my father was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. Although he responded well to the initial treatments, a heart condition caused the suspension of therapy, and during the ensuing months I grieved for his loss of weight, his loss of independence, his loss of mobility, his loss of modesty, and ultimately his loss of breath. By the time he died, he was barely recognizable to his friends, and I seemed to have made multiple stops at every one of the five stages. I grieved more during his deterioration from cancer than I did after his death.

The second saga began almost one year after my father’s funeral when my wife’s mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. For my wife and me, the same grief cycle began all over again. Although there were many good days and fun visits with my mother-in-law who demonstrated extraordinary hope and perseverance, we grieved over her loss of hair, her loss of dexterity and balance due to neuropathy, her loss of ability to hold her grandchildren, her loss of appetite, her loss of youthfulness, her loss of vitality, and her loss of ability to serve in her many volunteer positions. When she died three years after her diagnosis, we believe death came as a blessing, an act of deliverance from the terrorism this disease can inflict upon a body.

Finally, just before the death of my mother-in-law, my grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. And our family began to experience grief over a different kind of loss. This severe expression of dementia manifests itself in a variety of ways. Although many of the symptoms seem to come and go, and some days are better than others, during her journey we grieved her loss of memory, the loss of her familiar personality, the loss of her awareness of her surroundings, the loss of her freedom, the loss of her driving, the loss of her home, and because she had been relocated to a care facility, the loss of her church, the loss of her community, and the loss of her network of friends.

We believed that when she passed in 2011, she experienced the ultimate healing. We miss her, but her passing was a welcomed relief for her, and under no circumstances would we wish her to have lingered and sunk deeper into the chaos and confusion of dementia.

Now we are telling stories about our aunt, one of my father’s two remaining siblings, who is near the end of her life on earth. She has been in a care facility for almost 10 years and has experienced memory loss to the point that she hasn’t recognized many of her family members for quite some time. Thankfully, she has continued to have a kind personality and positive attitude despite her loss of memory.

On the occasions I have had the opportunity to visit her, I have both treasured her positive influence in our family across the years, and I have grieved that she can no longer remember many of those treasured experiences and relationships. When she closes her eyes for the final time here, I will continue to grieve, even though I am aware that a peaceful homegoing will be an answer to her prayers.

I am still thinking about how grieving for the living differs from grieving for the deceased. As a pastor I am more aware now of how many in my community are grieving a loss related to those who are still here…the grandmother who is grieving over the grandson who is in prison, the father-in-law who is grieving over the loss of his daughter-in-law because of a divorce, the former manager who is grieving over the loss of his colleagues after his job was terminated, the school teacher who is grieving over the loss of contact with students following her retirement, and the family who is grieving the gradual dementia in their mom or dad.

In reflecting on my own experience, I would contend that grieving for the living can be more complex, more long-term, and more exhausting in many circumstances than the grief associated with a death. 

To those grieving someone who is still here, let me pass along a few suggestions that friends and counselors offered to me:

• Try to practice good self-care.
• Find ways to stay connected to your faith community.
• Strive to maintain a good regimen of exercise, rest, and healthy nutrition.
• Maximize your time with your loved one.
• Maintain at least one hobby, project, or activity that is replenishing for you.
• Allow and encourage friends and family members to grieve at their own pace in their own space as the journey unfolds.
• Ask God to renew and replenish your strength.

Grief lasts for a season and each season is unique in context, scope, and duration. And sometimes grief doesn’t involve a funeral home. Grief doesn’t always emanate from a sudden loss or a final loss. It may involve the gradual loss of someone who is still here.

(Barry Howard currently serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist for the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Whenever I travel, I enjoy exploring the history and folklore of the towns and villages I am privileged to visit.  While St. Andrews is primarily known for its golf courses and its world class university, St. Andrews is also rich in legend and story. 

I was fortunate to make my third visit to St. Andrews in 2018. Here is a summary of the notes I collected from travel brochures and pamphlets while visiting this historic area in Scotland:

·      The town of St Andrews was originally the town of Kilrimont. In 736 AD, a monk
named St Rule brought relics (bones) of St Andrew (Brother of St Peter, the
first Pope) from Greece to a monastery in Kilrimont . By 1000 the town had
become headquarters of the Scottish church and was called St Andrews. It became a pilgrimage for most of Britain and becomes a wealthy city. The cathedral was founded in 1160. The cardinal of the UK lived in St Andrews.

·      Golf was first played there in about the fourteenth century. St Andrews University
founded in 1413. James II bans golf in 1457 for a period of time because it
interfered with practicing archery.

·      Martin Luther’s complaints against Rome were posted in 1517. Protestant martyrs were burned in St Andrews in1528, 1533, 1546, 1558. An obelisk above the Old Course is called the Martyrs Monument and it has their names inscribed. In 1560 parliament ends Catholicism as the church of Scotland. Mary Queen of Scots was the first woman known to play golf—1568.

·      James Wilson was a Scot who moved to South Carolina and was a signer of our
Declaration of Independence. He was educated at St Andrews Univ. He and other
Scots had shipped clubs and balls from St Andrews to Charleston, SC in 143.

·      In the early days of golf, it took required a day’s work to make one feathery ball.
They cost one-half Crown (a gold piece), so only the wealthy could afford to
play golf. Golf professionals also caddied and made clubs and balls.

·      The Scottish Flag is a sideways cross signifying the way that St Andrew was
crucified in Greece—with arms and legs spread. The flag is called the Saltire.

·      The Royal and Ancient Golf Club was formed in 1754 by 22 gentlemen as the Society of St. Andrews Golfers. In 1834 King William IV gave the club its R&A title and the club began to make the Rules of the game for the world. When the USGA was formed in 1894, they first followed the R&A and then soon began interpreting the Rules themselves. All the world except the USA and Mexico follows the R&A’s rules decisions.

·      In the 1840’s, the town was nearly bankrupt. The land for the golf courses was
used to raise rabbits for a number of years.

·      The first 12 British Opens (called The Open) were held at Prestwick starting in
1860.

·      Old Tom Morris was Prestwick’s keeper of the greens until he replaced Alan
Robertson at St Andrews. The first Open at St Andrews was in 1873 and was the
first year of the “claret jug” trophy.

·      The townspeople bleached their linen on the course in the early days. Early Rules
mentioned linen that interfered with play.

·      The golf course originally was played as eleven holes out, and the same eleven
holes were played back in—22 holes played for a round. In 1764, the course
became 9 holes out and the same 9 holes in. In 1832, the course became 18
separate holes.

·      Holes 1, 9, 17 and 18 have greens that aren’t shared by any other hole. Old Tom
changed the first hole by widening it and he moved the 18th green to opposite
his golf shop, making it 60 yards longer. The new green was built over an old
graveyard. All the holes for the shared greens add up to 18 (2 and 16, 3 and
15, 4 and 14, etc.)

·      Old Tom Morris was born in St Andrews 16 June 1821. He died in St Andrews on May 24,1908, just three weeks shy of his 87th birthday. He had won the British Open four times (1860’s). He designed many great golf courses in Scotland. He followed Allan Robertson as keeper of the greens and head professional at St. Andrews. He had worked for Allan in the early days making clubs and balls. Tom built a thriving club and ball business in St Andrews when he returned from
Prestwick in 1865. His shop still stands in the same place today.

·      A remarkable story is how Old Tom Morris died. He had been sitting at the window
of his golf club (The New Club) having a pint of beer or two on a Sunday (No
golf on the Old Course on Sundays, even to this day). He had to go to the
bathroom which was a down staircase in the back of the club house. He got
disoriented and fell into the coal bin—an eight-foot fall. He died shortly
afterwards.

·      His son, Young Tom had the record score of 77 on the Old Course from 1869 to 1887 when his brother Jamie equaled it. Hugh Kirkaldy shot 74 in 1888. There have been 62’s in modern times.

·      An amazing fact is that golf on the Old Course was free for all comers until 1913.
Locals played for free until 1946. Today, locals pay a fee of about $200 for
the entire year. Guests pay about $218. per round. Guests account for 40% of
play.

·      Bunkers originated in St Andrews. According to the stories, bunkers on the Old Course at St. Andrews occurred naturally and Tom Morris decided to leave them there when designing some of the holes. If you are wondering how they came about, the answer is sheep!

·      In the early days, the course also doubled up as a place for grazing sheep.
Unfortunately. the sheep didn’t like the strong winds that the Old Course is
famous for. In order to protect themselves, they joined forces and burrowed
into the ground, creating holes to hide in until the wind died down. These
holes ended up being many of the pot bunkers you see on television when
watching golf at the Old Course. Sure they’re a pain to play out of but they
certainly make the game a whole lot more interesting!

·      The world’s first female golfer played at St Andrews. Mary Queen of Scots was a
member of the local golf club and many regard her as being the world’s first
female golfer. She started playing golf at St Andrews soon after her husband
Darnley was murdered.

·      Legendary golfer, Tiger Woods will only stay in room 269 at The Old Course Hotel when he stays in St Andrews. The reason being that 269 was the number of strokes it took him to win his first Open Championship in St Andrews back in 2000.

·      A lot of golf is played in St Andrews. More than 230,000 rounds of golf are
played on the seven courses in St Andrews each year. 45,000 of these are played on the Old Course alone. The Old Course has also played host to the Open Championship more than any other venue. The 150^th Open Championship is the 29^th time St. Andrews has hosted the Open.

(These notes were collected from travel brochures and local pamphlets. I have not verified the information through my own research.)

While visiting the United Kingdom a few years ago, my wife and I were privileged to attend mass in several churches, mostly Anglican but a few Catholic. Although I was generally acquainted with both liturgical traditions, I was surprised at the numerous variations of the “Gloria Patri.” 

Because I was raised in a region heavily influenced by Sandy Creek Tradition, the first time I heard the “Gloria Patri” sung in a Baptist church, I was the pastor, and it was included in worship at my request. The tune to this “new doxology” was unfamiliar to most in our little congregation, but the words affirmed the long-standing Baptist doctrine of the Trinity: “Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Ghost.”

Explaining in sermon or writing how God revealed God’s self as one God with three manifestations has always proved to be a challenge for me. The triune mystery tends to overload my capacity to comprehend. I identify with Anne Lamott who contends, “I didn’t need to understand the hypostatic unity of the Trinity; I just needed to turn my life over to whoever came up with redwood trees.”

As Jesus attempted to explain his pending departure to his disciples prior to his death, burial, and resurrection, he confessed to them, “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear” (John 16:12). This encourages me to assimilate spiritual lessons gradually.

A few years ago an unusual story from the Everglades received international coverage. A Burmese python had tried to swallow a six-foot alligator. As a fan of the National Geographic Channel, I have observed footage of large serpents swallowing other prey like rabbits or a small deer. But I was unaware that even a python would attempt to ingest something so humongous. The photo revealed that as the python attempted to swallow the gator, the python actually exploded and neither creature survived.

That picture has become a parable for me as I grapple with perplexing concepts. While some truths may be simple and easy to understand, other realties are deep and rich in mystery, requiring the wisdom and discernment born in an ongoing daily walk of faith. As we aim to grow in wisdom, which was among God’s first creative works, “formed long ages ago, at the very beginning, when the world came to be” (Proverbs 8:23), we are not alone in the task. For Jesus also promised, “When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth” (John 16:23b).

Although the word “trinity” is not found in the canon of scripture, most folks influenced by the Christian tradition  are well-versed in the language of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. While a few have argued that the notion of Trinity leads to a polytheism entailing three different deities, most scholars note the unique solidarity of character and mission among the Father, Son, and Spirit.

Describing this transcendent, yet personal God can be problematic. In a prayer at the beginning a workshop at Columbia Seminary, I recall Walter Brueggemann addressing God as “One who is other than us.”  In the ensuing class lecture Brueggemann referred to God as the divine “Other” for whom we have no comprehensive description or corresponding reality, only a wealth of similes and metaphors.

For this reason, the canon speaks of God anthropomorphically, for human terminology provides our only vocabulary of reference.  While we recognize that God’s realm of being supersedes human emotion and anatomy, we describe the indescribable God in the language we know, even though we confess that God is greater than the confines of our diction. Nevertheless, we probe and we pray and we dig deeper, believing that a more intimate acquaintance with God emerges from a contiguous journey of faith, and not in a single epiphany.

Perhaps it is helpful to think of these three manifestations of God as divine roles. In The Meaning of Jesus, as Marcus Borg addressed the concept of Trinity he explains, “In both Greek and Latin, the word translated ‘person’ means a mask, such as worn by an actor in a theatre—not as a means of concealment, but as a way of playing different roles.  Applying this to the notion of God, the one God is known in three primary ways: as the God of Israel, as the Word and Wisdom of God in Jesus, and as the abiding Spirit.”

Since it is one personality behind the masks, these divine roles are completely correlated and almost synonymic within the Trinity. Romans 5:1-5 emphasizes the three roles of this divine drama: We are justified by faith in Jesus, which enables us to have peace with God, and results in God’s love being infused into our lives by the Spirit. The roles are neither individualistic nor competitive, but interactive toward the Trinitarian goal of life transformation.

The root of the word “trinity” is unity. As I continue to explore what it means to worship and relate to our triune God, I find myself thinking of God as one, manifest in all three roles, without contradiction. I think of God the Father as the divine parent, beyond human gender, who birthed and nurtured all of creation. I think of God the Son, the historical Jesus, as the human portrait of God. I think of the Holy Spirit as the personality of God, both Father and Son, present and interactive in the world today. 

Richard Rohr suggests, “If the mystery of the Trinity is the template of all reality, what we have in the Trinitarian God is the perfect balance between union and differentiation, autonomy and mutuality, identity and community.”

Within this mystery, I continue to discover that the love of God, the grace of God, and the joy of God are all synchronized in the Trinity. The notion of a God who is three in One is more than I can swallow all at once. But it is a concept that I comprehend more and more as God’s story intersects with my life and my world.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor of the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and consultant with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

Although I would not make a good Jeopardy! contestant and I seldom win at Trivial Pursuit, I tend to remember unusual things about movies. A few facts stick in my mind like where the movie was made, whether the movie was based on a book I’ve read, and who played in the starring role.

I also remember a few movies where a lead actor played in more than one role. Of course, it’s easy to recognize a face when one actor plays the role of twins, as Lindsey Lohan did in The Parent Trap. Eddie Murphy’s face appeared prominently in The Nutty Professor, a movie in which Murphy played seven different characters. Not as obvious is the face that appeared in dual roles in the popular movie Forrest Gump. Sally Fields plays a leading role as Forrest’s mother, but also a minor role as a reporter who asked Forrest a question during his cross-country run.

Recently, as I was channel surfing, partly out of curiosity and partly for nostalgic reasons, I paused to watch a little of Back to the Future II, especially since the future date to which Marty McFly traveled in the movie was 2015, a year now gone by. What I had forgotten about the movie was that the young Michael J. Fox played three characters, all within the same family: Marty McFly, Marty McFly Jr., and Marlene McFly.

In the new TV mini-series, “Moon Knight,” Oscar Isaac stars in a trio of roles including Mark Spector, Steven Grant, and Jake Lockley.

In the biblical drama, perhaps God also engaged in the simultaneous roles of Father, Son, and Spirit. And in each of those roles, which were in the script prior to creation, God gradually appeared on the stage of history.

While there is no literal mention of the Trinity in scripture, the biblical narrative certainly develops the characters of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Since childhood, many of us have lifted our voices in praise to “God in three persons, blessed Trinity.”

In his book Reaching for the Invisible God, Philip Yancey observes that, “God’s image shines through us most clearly in the act of creation – comprising the three stages of Idea, Expression, and Recognition – and by reproducing this act we may begin to grasp, by analogy, the Trinity.”

If the voice of God sounds familiar, perhaps you’ve heard it before in a whirlwind or in a whisper. Or, if the face of God seems familiar, perhaps you’ve seen it before, in a garden called Eden, on a mount called Sinai, or on a cross called Calvary. And if neither the voice nor the face are familiar, maybe it would be worth your time to explore the story again.

(Barry Howard serves as pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and columnist with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)

The well-spoken prayers of others inspire me. For example, I am deeply moved by the reflective prayers of Walter Brueggemann, the contemplative prayers of Richard Rohr, and the reactive prayers of Nadia Boltz-Weber. Yet the transport of a prayer is not ultimately determined by syntax or intonation. Sometimes the most effective prayers are the ones that go unpronounced.

Back in the dark ages of the 20^th century, before the advent of mobile phones and internet search engines, I remember an ad for the Yellow Pages, an antiquated hard print directory of business phone numbers, that urged, “Let your fingers do the walking.”  Nowadays, since texting has surpassed both the phone call and email as a preferred means of communication, it seems our fingers actually do the talking.

I have been thinking about the complexity of communication with God, especially the challenge of praying at times when words are hard to come by. Whether the cause is shock, trauma, doubt, depression, or attention-deficit, there are moments that we cannot find the words to articulate our prayers. In response to such a dilemma, I think Paul’s correspondence to the Romans was something more like “let the Spirit do the talking.”  

The Bible includes a variety of encounters wherein individuals engage in dialogue with God. Whether these encounters are prototypical or literal, that is a topic for another discussion. My point is that in these conversations, God speaks and understands the language of the people.

The Pentecost story emphasizes that language barriers were at least momentarily bridged or suspended. In a miracle attributed to the Spirit, the historian records that “each one heard their own language being spoken” (Acts 2:6).

Writing to the Romans, Paul addresses a unique communication dilemma, a topic I do not see specifically considered by other biblical writers. What happens when you are at a loss for words to formulate your prayer to God?  Paul asserts, “Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedeswith sighs too deep for words” (Romans 8:26 RSV).

What if my grief is so profound, my anxiety is so high, or my depression is so deep that I lose the capacity to speak my prayer to God? Paul proposes that the Spirit bypasses the Broca’s area and the vocal chords and interprets our deepest groanings, translating those groanings into prayers.

In 2005 when my wife and I visited China, our traveling companions brought a digital language translator. We would speak a word in English and the digital device would automatically translate the word into Chinese. The device would also translate into specific dialects including, Mandarin or Cantonese, which enabled us to order meals, ask for directions, and communicate with cab drivers.

As Pentecost approaches and there is so much to pray about, among other things, I am encouraged to know that the Spirit is fluent in my inner dialect and can translate my unspoken prayers with pinpoint precision.

(Barry Howard serves as the pastor at the Church at Wieuca in North Atlanta. He also serves as a leadership coach and consultant with the Center for Healthy Churches. He and his wife, Amanda, live in Brookhaven, Georgia.)